Blue Crab Boulevard

See What We Mean?

I'm sure some readers think we're exaggerating when we talk about dreaded ducks of doom and wicked warlike whitetail, but how else do you explain this?

WEST VANCOUVER, British Columbia - It was a real-life version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears — only in reverse — when a woman came home to find a young bear eating oatmeal in her kitchen.

The bear apparently entered through an open sliding glass door, broke a ceramic food container and started eating, West Vancouver police Sgt. Paul Skelton said.

"It sounds like a nursery rhyme, doesn't it?" Skelton said. "At least we have a health-conscious bear on our hands."

Three police officers who went to the home Thursday couldn't get the bear to budge, so authorities let the animal finish its meal.

The police are helpless in the face of this onslaught. Three of them couldn't get the bear out until it had finished his healthy snack. So now it's the black bears of bedlam joining the animal uprising. Or should that be the gruesome grizzlies of granola. One just isn't sure.

And just what do you think they'll be eating after the oatmeal is gone? Hmmmmm?

Oh, I guess it could be apes. Of course, those are in short supply in Vancouver.

Weird Stuff | Gaius Monday, 19 June , 2006

By TC@LeatherPenguin, Monday, 19 June , 2006 @ 3:47 pm

“At least we have a health-conscious bear on our hands.”
AAARRGGH!
By Gaius, Monday, 19 June , 2006 @ 3:49 pm

Bwahahaha
By Shawn, Tuesday, 20 June , 2006 @ 3:10 am

Gaius, ever heard comedian Tim Bedore? He has an on-going bit about how animals are trying to take over the world, and every time stories like this are in the news the bit gets a new chapter. Here’s his site URL:
http://www.vaguebuttrue.com/
By Blackhawk, Tuesday, 20 June , 2006 @ 9:27 pm

In the words of the immortal MST3K: ‘guns don’t kill people, apes with guns kill people!’.

My list of critters goin in the little black book keeps growin…penguins, bears, apes…and those damn rabbits eating all the s*** my folks planted in the front yard…GO EAT THOSE DAMN WEEDS AND I’LL STOP SHOOTING YOU!!!

Quit laughing you little fur balls of hades. One day my aim will improve.
By Gaius, Tuesday, 20 June , 2006 @ 9:33 pm

I’ll loan you my 11 year old. Affectionately known as Bunny Slayer. He offs them with a BB gun. He’s quite deadly. Head shots, mostly.
By Blackhawk, Wednesday, 21 June , 2006 @ 6:56 pm

Thanks, but I’m a believer that practice makes perfect. Besides, while I’m on leave, I have an extra variable involved that your son probably doesn’t: a hangover.

Now I’m OK as long as I don’t hit the folks’ new Trailblazer in the driveway.

Now the 82 Jimmy, well, that’s OK.

Gotta love Texas.