The Next Round

We here at Blue Crab Boulevard continue to fearlessly report on the uprising in the animal kingdom against humans Oh sure, you all think we're being a bit hysterical about all this, but we insist that we are like a canary in a coal mine. By the time you all pay attention it will be too late. *Sigh* But we'll just keep on keepin' on.

Today we report on the latest offensive by the animal legions. A man trying to retrieve an errant newspaper heard an odd sound. When he turned around, he was face to – er – snout – with a ferocious alligator. The rabid, raging reptile lunged at him. The man was lucky to have escaped with his life!

So you say to yourself, "What's the big deal? Happens all the time in Florida." Which is quite true. But this happened in Pennsylvania.

POTTSTOWN, Pa. – A man delivering newspapers at 5 a.m. Monday heard an unusual sound as he got out of his truck to retrieve a misthrown newspaper. He walked between two parked cars and saw a 4-foot alligator.

"He kind of lunged at me and hissed," said Bobby Kish, 46. "His mouth was open; I was about five feet away. It was enough to get my attention."

Kish went to the police and officers were dispatched. They fearlessly tackled the beast and duct taped his fang-filled mouth closed. Then they arrested the beast and threw him in the local jail.

Cpl. Jamie O'Neill grabbed the alligator from behind and secured its jaws with duct tape. The animal was taken in a patrol wagon to the county prison, where it was logged in as "Al E. Gator."

The reptiles are on the march. Soon it won't be safe to boat in Minnesota. You watch!