Fried Rice With Crap

Or what not to order in a restaurant in Thailand. Here's a humorous look by Rolf Potts at the wacky world of mis-translated English popping up all over the world.

One afternoon a few years ago, I went out for lunch at a restaurant not far from the south Thailand guesthouse where I'd been staying. My landlady ran the place, and on this day she seemed particularly pleased to see me. "We have new English menu!" she exclaimed, presenting me with a glossy list of entrees.

I took a seat and scanned the menu, which listed the kinds of dishes I'd always eaten there — red curry, pad thai, tom yam. Then, amidst the standard delicacies (and in cheery capital letters) I noticed a dish I'd never before sampled in this part of the world: FRIED RICE WITH CRAP.

Concerned, I took the menu over to my landlady. "I think this dish is a mistake," I told her.

"Oh, no!" she replied brightly. "We make seafood for you! Fresh from water!"

I gave my landlady a skeptical look. "But surely 'crap' is not what you meant to write."

"Yes, crap! Very delicious!"

I considered this. "Do you by chance mean 'carp'?"

"No!" she laughed. "Crap!" She splayed her hands and mimicked the scuttling movement of a crustacean.

"Oh, you mean crab. C-R-A-B. Not C-R-A-P."

"Yes!" she said, handing the menu back to me. "Crab. Both sound same to me."

Then, almost as an afterthought, she asked: "What means 'crap?'"

It's quite an entertaining article if you have a chance to look it over. It also gives a link to a really funny collection of mistranslations: http://www.engrish.com/ (Warning, do not have a mouthful of coffee when you open that link. Your monitor will thank you.)