The Right To Keep And Bear Applesauce
Apparently, a little known codicil of the second amendment to the US Constitution that allows citizens to keep and bear applesauce.
PHILADELPHIA - A customer at a city grocery tackled an armed robber and beat him with a can of applesauce when he refused to drop his gun, police said.
The suspect shot himself in the head during the struggle, and passed out after the 66-year-old customer administered four blows to the head with the Mott's applesauce.
"Finally, the guy passes out," said Det. Curtis Matthews. "There's blood everywhere — on the floor, all over."
About 15 customers were in Gomez Grocery in the city's East Germantown section when the gunman walked in Sunday afternoon, jumped atop a small freezer and pointed the gun at store owner Eddie Gomez, police said.
Customer Thomas Santana, who is 5-foot-4, grabbed the 6-foot-1 gunman from behind when he was on the freezer, and with help from Gomez knocked him down.
All hail Thomas Santana! This is a thing of beauty! Lord, please, please, please tell me there is video of this!
Efforts will begin immediately to ban possession of Mott's applesauce. Ted Kennedy will lead the charge.
Mott's applesauce. Don't leave home without it.
Criminal Masterminds | Gaius Tuesday, 18 July , 2006
By crosspatch, Tuesday, 18 July , 2006 @ 11:14 pm
The problem comes in with brands made from designated assault apples. We can’t let just anyone get their hands on those.
By Gaius, Wednesday, 19 July , 2006 @ 5:37 am
Yeah, those .44 magnum Red Delicious apples are deadly weapons!
By Dan Collins, Wednesday, 19 July , 2006 @ 6:04 am
Re: the Big Dig tragedy.
I hear Teddy bought a new dog and named it Splat.