Dateline London

The police in England are in the news today. Item: Displaying a total lack of a sense of humor, London police have ordered a woman to take down a sign on her garden gate. The sign had been there for 30 years, ever since her husband put it there after two Jehovah's Witness missionaries knocked on the door of the house on Christmas day. The sign read, "Our dogs are fed on Jehovah's Witnesses".

Her late husband put the sign up more than 30 years ago when members of the church called at their house on Christmas Day.

But police were forced to act after receiving a complaint.

"We were informed by a member of the public who found the sign to be distressing, offensive and inappropriate," a police spokesman said. "Officers attended the address and the sign was voluntarily taken down."

There is no evidence the dogs were actually fed anything but kibble. But then, has anyone done a head count on Jehovah's Witnesses in the area?

Item: Here's a good one: the police in Sussex have arrested the police in Sussex for stealing candy from the police in Sussex. We begin to detect a pattern here.

An investigation was launched after "a significant stock loss" from the sweetshop at Hailsham Police Station, Sussex Police said on Friday.

The shop operates by officers helping themselves to the sweets and drinks before leaving money in a tin.

The two officers, who have since been released on bail, have been suspended while "a number" of other staff and officers have also been removed from frontline duty while the sweets-theft probe is carried out.

"The integrity of our staff is very important to us and when we identify problems such as this, we act swiftly and positively to resolve the issues," said Chief Inspector Tony Blaker said.

The force said replacement officers have been drafted in to ensure a normal policing service.

Good thing there weren't any sign complaints while they were short-handed.