A Warning To Mariners
Way down upon the Swanee River,
Far, far away,
that's where the fish are flying ever
Trying to kill you today
Everywhere the flying sturgeon
Aim right for your head
Soon you will need to see a surgeon
And take to your bed.
(Our apologies to Stephen Foster for getting the rpms up)
An alert reader who shares our concern about the ongoing animal uprising sent us a link to a story posted over at the Jawa Report. We're very glad to see our efforts are raising awareness of the threat! (Crosspatch suggested using Madonna's song, "Like a Sturgeon", but she creeps us out).
A man riding a "personal watercraft" (meaning one of those annoying jet ski thingees) was viciously attacked by an airborne 4-foot long sturgeon. That's right - airborne. The scaly assassin went right for the poor guys head, knocking him unconscious into the water. He was rescued by his girlfriend, who managed to avoid being hit herself. (Though I'm betting she was trying to look everywhere at once!)
Blake Nicholas Fessenden, 23, was heading north on the Suwannee River Sunday just north of the Hart Springs Sand Bar when he was hit and fell off the craft, according to a statement from the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission.
Fessenden was knocked unconscious.
His girlfriend was riding another watercraft behind him and was able to get to Fessenden and hold his head above water before passengers on another vessel arrived to pull him from the water, officials said.
He was airlifted to Shands Hospital in Gainesville with non-life-threatening injuries, officials said.
A 31-year-old woman was hospitalized in April after a 3-foot-long sturgeon jumped into a boat being driven by the woman's fiance. The pair was also on the Suwannee River.
Officials are calling this "an accident". We, of course, know better. This was a deliberate attack meant to advance the evil intentions of the animal uprising. Just to let you know how deadly this conspiracy is, sturgeons can grow to be 200 pounds and still jump 8 feet into the air.
Paging Captain Ahab.
Other Links to this Post
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Blue Crab Boulevard » Blog Archive » They Act Like This Is A Good Thing — Sunday, 10 September , 2006 @ 9:14 am
By Santay, Wednesday, 9 August , 2006 @ 6:59 am
The manatees have sent an advance scout up the Hudson river past Manhattan. They can’t be up to anything good.
By Gaius, Wednesday, 9 August , 2006 @ 7:04 am
I know, I posted about it.