Bad Housekeeping Seals

Despite all the questioning we have been getting lately from the authorities, we continue to try to bring you the real story on the animal uprising. So it is that today we revisit the subject of seal invasions. Scientists claim they simply don't understand why arctic seals have been tuning up as far South as the US Virgin Islands – particularly in the summer months. They pretend we haven't been trying to warn them, even though they keep hanging up when we call.

In a typical year, 25 to 35 hooded seals might venture to the U.S. Northeast Coast and get stranded, typically in winter. Seldom are they ever spotted off the Southeast coast.

But this year, 47 have become stranded in the Northeast and eight in the Southeast. Oddly, the majority of the strandings occurred during summer. The seals have been spotted as far south as the U.S. Virgin Islands this year.

"We don't necessarily picture a hooded seal resting on a hot sunny beach in Florida, where the air temperature is still in the 90s," said NOAA Fisheries Service biologist Jenny Litz. "We get concerned when we see them out of their natural environments."

Hooded seals are so-named because they have an inflated air sac, or hood, atop their noses. Pups are typically born in March or April. After about five days, a pub is left by its mother to fend for itself. They are very solitary except when breeding and are known to migrate large distances.

Most of the strandings have involved juveniles.

"The animals coming ashore are severely dehydrated, suffering from heat exhaustion, sunburn and often alopecia (hair loss)," said NOAA biologist Ulrika Malone.

Don't these fools understand the dangers? I suppose it will take swimmers being used as beachballs for them to take their blinders off. Think about it: we have under-aged, thirsty, sunburned bald seals invading US beaches. It's the seal equivalent of a skinhead convention! We're all doomed.

Well, at least those of you living near the coasts.