The Animal Uprising Takes A Really Nasty Turn

It's not bad enough that we have alligators pretending to be doormats. There is not enough terror already with thirsty, under-aged, sunburned, bald seals invading up and down the East coast. It's not even enough that we have drunken bears waving slices of barbecue chicken and jalapeño pizza at Cindy Sheehan. (Ok, we exaggerated a little on that last one.) But up until now it has only been the live animals involved. Now it is the toy animals and they are killing their own! Murderous teddy bears crazed with blood lust.

MILFORD, N.H. – A teddy bear has been implicated in 2,500 deaths. Of trout, that is. State officials say a teddy bear dropped into a pool at a Fish and Game Department hatchery earlier this month clogged a drain. The clog blocked the flow of oxygen to the pool and suffocated the fish.

Hatcheries supervisor Robert Fawcett said the bear — who was dressed in yellow raincoat and hat — is believed to be the first stuffed bear to cause fatalities at the facility.

"We've had pipes get clogged, but it's usually with more naturally occurring things like a frog or even a dead muskrat," he said. "This one turned out to be a teddy bear and we don't know how it got there."

The deaths prompted Fawcett to release a written warning: "RELEASE OF ANY TEDDY BEARS into the fish hatchery water IS NOT PERMITTED."

(We could have written that sign!) This is a bad sign……

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