All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

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Oh hell, the peer pressure is too great. I can't help myself. First it was Roger Simon, that evil and twisted man who writes. For a living.

…although I cannot say I am really a Republican. I only voted for Republicans twice in my lifetime (once each for Bush and Schwarzenegger). Still… despite the fact that I have been married three times (to women) and have three children (of my own seed, as far as I know), I cannot cover up any longer. This dual life has become intolerable. I am gay! There. I’ve said it. Doesn’t that make you feel better, David? (Can we get back to serious issues now?)

Then Gerard Vanderleun had to go and up the ante. Big time.

For decades I have been a lesbian trapped in a man’s body. I can’t help it. I have this deep need to pursue every beautiful woman I see. What can this be other than latent lesbianism? As my two wives will, if they were speaking to me, attest, I have in the past performed lesbian acts on them. I couldn’t help it because it was in my genes and also part of their special request.

But The Anchoress topped them all and has thrown down the gauntlet to boot:

I like sex in various positions! With the lights on and off! In the daytime and the nighttime! In the ocean and in the windowseat! I like sex on Sunday mornings! Can I get an “AMEN” for Cunnilingus? AMEN for cunnilingus! Can I get a “You know how to whistle, don’t you” for Fellatio? “You know how to whistle, don’t you?” Can I get a “Ride’em Cowboy” for my husband? Yippeekayae! Can I get an “arghghghghg” for Readi Whip and maraschino cherries? Arghghghghghg! What, no brownies?

And so with the irresistible pressure now bearing down on the humble Crabitat, I have no choice but to come out as well. I have voted for Democrats. Sometimes repeatedly. (I would have also admitted the lesbian thing, but Vanderleun already beat me too it). But the big one, the one that just kills me to have to admit: I make a mean quiche. And fritattas, too. And I enjoy them. Damn you all.

UPDATE: Sigmund, Carl and Alfred didn't come out, (Dare ya! Double dare ya!) but still makes a lot of sense out of all this.

UPDATE: Ann Althouse, always worth reading is right on point with this post. She also being attacked by winged monkeys, so you know she's spot on. They only come out when you're right.

UPDATE: Bruce Kesler is on the exact same page as Ann Althouse. Robin at Chickenhawk Express has seen all the Billy Jack Movies. And liked them. (A brave outing indeed). March Hare has a fondness for men bearing claymores. (I shouldn't admit I have one with a python skin handle, should I? I call him Monty for obvous reasons. No kilt, though, sorry). Fausta has a rather pointed question for the "gay politicos" who sent the "list" to other people.

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11 Responses to All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

  1. Anchoress says:

    Gasp. Quiche! Fritattas! All that cholestrol! Evil, evil….but at least you’re “out” and living “honestly.”

  2. Gaius says:

    And I use butter, bacon AND REAL cheese. I feel so much better.

  3. syn says:

    I admit I’m a homosexual trapped in a woman’s body but after reading Anchoress I think I’m in the closet and must come out.

    can I have some frittatas please?

  4. Gaius says:

    I really do make a mean one. Even the kids look forward to fritatta night.

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  6. March Hare says:

    ~Real~ men drink chablis with their quiche! šŸ˜‰

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  8. Brass says:

    I’m a 6′ tall, 210lb rabid follower of the Right Wing and Gun Blogs, and I….well…..I like dance music. That’s right, bring on the Kylie Minogue!

    I feel so much better now.

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