Send The Chauffeur To The Barricades At Once!

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O.M.G. This is a joke, right? Lyn Davis Lear, wife of television producer Norman Lear has some analysis of the nation and what should be done if the Democrats don't take control of the whole world and buy everyone a pony n November.

When I asked Gore Vidal at dinner why the White House seemed so serene and at ease about the vote, he replied that, this time around, the Bush-Cheney henchmen could simply call on martial law. He glumly noted that we are so far down the road toward totalitarianism that, even if Democrats do win back the Congress, it would take at least two generations before the last six years of damage to the nation could be reversed. Gore frankly despaired that any amount of time could ever return the country to where and what it previously was. This prediction left me reaching for some Fernet Branca.

Yeah, I know what you mean, Lyn. I read that hyperventilating hyperbole and reached for a beer. And pretzels. Although it may take several generations for me to get over laughing this hard at the complete and utter insanity that passes for deep political thought on the left.

We all know the neocons won't cede power easily. They have to be aware that if the tide of Congress turns, Bush's last two years will be mired in gridlock and perhaps even be punctuated by several embarrassing congressional investigations. Of course, Cheney did say last week that everything in Iraq is hunky dory, which leads one to believe that after James Baker's devastating report and the escalating mass destruction of the war, Dickey-boy has simply lost it. But whether it is hubris, loony tunes, or both, the White House's freakish calm about the elections makes me as nervous as the hell we seem to be headed for. Therefore we should all be on alert. If for whatever reason we don't win back Congress in November the only real answer will be to take to the streets.

That's right Lyn, incite rioting and whatnot. Send in all the hired help and those you can convince. You really won't need the chauffeur if the streets are blocked anyway.

Because you sure as heck won't see Mrs. Norman Lear at a shabby barricade. Might break a nail. Besides, much too far away from the Fernet Branca.

UPDATE: Others: Sister Toldjah, Riehl World View, Blogs For Bush, The New Editor, Right Wing News,

UPDATE: Welcome visitors from Just One Minute and from Dr. Sanity as well. Many thanks to Tom Maguire and Pat Santy for the links. Please do take a look around while you're here.

UPDATE: From Doug Ross: Olberman's nightmare dream.

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43 Responses to Send The Chauffeur To The Barricades At Once!

  1. guy says:

    “the only real answer will be to take to the streets.”

    Is that the same as “playing in traffic”? If it is then I’m all for it.

  2. Pingback: Sister Toldjah » Bush’s and Rove’s confidence that GOP will win next month leads the left to cooking up conspiracy theories, and a call to “take to the streets”

  3. Whenever I read one of these versions of the same old screed, I have a huge laugh. Gore Vidal, in his Italian expatriate stae, makes an added chuckle. When I hear that kinda crap I always retort, “Excuse me? I got shotguns and dogs trained to take down 200 pound men. My mother thinks the fucking Pope–whichever–has God’s own cellphone number. I WOUDDA GOT THE MEMO if ANYONE were taking over anything. They’d want me in or they’d want me taken right the hell out.”

  4. With so much of the National Guard tied up overseas it seems that the People’s Militia…the one spoken of in the 2nd …needs to protect the street.

  5. Bird Dog says:

    This is a classic case of projection. “Take to the streets” because they don’t like who the people elect?
    How can such smart people be so deluded?

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  7. Pingback: Blue Crab Boulevard » Blog Archive » Don’t Go Picking Your Pony Just Yet

  8. Pingback: Blue Crab Boulevard » Blog Archive » Better Get The Hired Help Warmed Up, Lyn

  9. Pingback: Cold Fury » Blog Archive » US Marines vs smelly neo-hippie nosepickers: a no-brainer, in more ways than one

  10. Tim says:

    Seems commercial insurance rates for retail on Rodeo Drive might be going up, and the Beverly Hills Police Department will be putting in a call to the LAPD for mutual assistance. Count on Michael “movie maker to the terrorists” Moore to make another keepin’ it real fictitious docu-drama about rampant police brutality in the 90210…when the P.D. unleashes the mineral water spritzers.

  11. FreakyHoward says:

    CAN”T YOU PEOPLE SEE! They’re doing it AGAIN! SOMEBODY PLEEZe tell me this isn’t happening again! NO WAY can the Rethuglicans win THIS TIME! If this happens again, I’m gonna seriously TEAR UP MY ACLU membership card, pack up my Greatful Dead collection and move to someplace like Venezuela where at least the elections are HONEST! WOULD SOMEBODY PLEEZ get Jimmy Carter and the UN to supervise this POS election? I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING. OK: where’s the God-damned FROG MARCH? I want a FROG MARCH. What about the culture of corruption? Huh? WHAT ABOUT GAYS IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY?! WHAT ABOUT CHIMPY MC HITLERBURTON! WHAT ABOUT THE 9/11 CONSPIRACY? WHAT ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING!? WHAT ABOUT ABU GRHAIB? WHAT ABOUT THAT, HUH?

    I’m literally, LITERALLY, going f***ing crazy! EEEEAAAAAARRGH!

  12. Gaius says:

    Howie, Howie, Howie. Did you forget to take the meds that nice doctor in Iowa gave you? Again? Poor Howie.

  13. Topsecretk9 says:

    Blue Crab…I think you’ve captured the essence of Marie Antoinette quite nicely and just how stupid the fine lady thinks we really are! I’m grabbing for my crappy pedestrian Mer-LOTT as I write this, it’s soooo depressing!

  14. DK says:

    I lust for the day the Left takes to the barricades. The only downside is the extra money it will take to hire temp labor at the Registrar’s office to take all of the dead Dems off of the voter rolls.

  15. jasper says:

    I found this kind of funny because years back I drank Fernet Branca while leading bike tours in Italy.
    The stuff is really, really, really bitter.

  16. FreakyHoward says:

    “Howie, Howie, Howie.”

    OH, Right. Did I “forget to take the meds”. How “compasionate” conservative of you “Gaius”. You fascists are soooo condescending. How do you know that I’m NOT really sick? HMMMM? See, you just take things for granted the way you take GLOBAL WARMING FOR GRANTED! You’ll see Gore was RIGHT! The whole planet is SCREAMING, WEEPING for a more sensitive and caring political class like AL FRANKEN, ROSIE O’DONNELL and MICHAEL MOORE! In the meantime, you can have your fascist Ann Coulters and RUSH LIMBAUGHS to lull you into sleep! You can have your CHIMP! You’ll see what happens when your “big-box” Walmarts are under water! No more THIRD-WORLD tennis shoes, no more twelve-dollar toasters, no more STARBUCK$! NO MORE POLAR BEARS! AND NO MORE CHRISTMAS!!!!!

    I may be on medication but you SHOULD BE TOO “GAIUS”! You are SICK! SICK! SICK!

  17. Neo says:

    Here are eight essential items that your “Storm the Barricades” kit must contain:

    1. A water-resistant backpack or other container that you can grab quickly and transport easily if you are forced to run from the “fascist hordes.”
    2. Sleeping Bag. It may well be necessary for you to sleep outdoors or, possibly, you and your comrade might want a “quick one.”
    3. Water. Keep a full water bottle, preferably mineral water, with your kit. It may also be useful after using the sleeping bag.
    4. Food. Keep a three-day supply of lightweight, nonperishable foods in your kit that can be eaten without cooking. Consult your Vegan Food Pyramid for the best possible choices.
    5. Personal Hygiene Supplies. Those “huddled masses” can be rather smelly, don’t forget soap, disinfectant, and tissues or toilet paper in your kit. Also add any other hygiene supplies appropriate to your situation, such as baby diapers and wipes or feminine products.
    6. iPod. This will allow entertainment without those unwanted interruptions of “ugly” news that a portable radio would provide.
    7. Waterproof Flashlight. A waterproof “shaker” style flashlight that does not need batteries. Might come in handy with sleeping bag.
    8. Cell Phone. The revolution might take more than a few days so you might have to call for “take out” service.

  18. Gaius says:

    Thank God. The polar bears were getting on my nerves. And I once played Ebeneezer Scrooge in a school production of “A Christmas Carol”. It was type casting. I would have kept Tiny Tim’s crutch, but they kept making me give it back.

  19. FreakyHoward says:

    “Thank God”

    Gaius: You’ll “Thank God” when the revolution starts. Right now, I’m looking over a GIANT warehouse FILLED with ENOURMOUS puppet-heads and EVERYBODY is wearing a CHE T-SHIRT! SERIOUSLY! You will be sorry to see SO MANY GIANT PUPPET HEADS – COMING FOR YOU! Right now you might be singing a happy tune but when we TAKE TO THE STREETS – with Hollywood power-people like LYN DAVIS LEAR [!?] you’ll be VERY intimidated. I’M NOT KIDDING!

  20. Gaius says:

    COOL! What’s the bag limit?

  21. FreakyHoward says:

    Gaius: “What’s the bag limit”? Do you mean the bag over your head when the REVOLUTION STARTS! Or do you mean “body bags”. This conversation is SOOOO stupid! I’ll tell you what the “bag limit” is! How much money can you stuff into a BAG! A POLITICAL BAG! THAT’S THE LIMIT the Rethuglicans have – after they’ve killed everything ELSE on the PLANET! Seriously! Let me ask you “Gaius”; How do you feel about STEALING ELECTIONS? HMMM?

  22. Bennett says:

    Taking it to the streets….like this?

  23. Topsecretk9 says:

    I found this kind of funny because years back I drank Fernet Branca while leading bike tours in Italy. The stuff is really, really, really bitter.

    Actually, many experienced un-pedestrian’s would characterize it as SUCKING BUTT nasty crap! But they –if need be— keep they’re pedestrian traps shut — and nod nicely

    That is the thing with elitists…they are sooooo cacooned they actually believe we MUST think like them — they never consider we don’t have their MONEY to think as stupid as they do… I’ll take middle income over this trash.

  24. Bob says:

    Adolf Hitler’s bodyguard has said that Hitler, despite a popular belief that he did not drink alcohol, drank a glass of Fernet Branca before making public speeches. Ah, the company we keep.

  25. M. Simon says:

    Freaky Howard,

    If the Republicans win I’m going to play my Grateful Dead collection. Dance in the streets, and give my Sugar Magnolia some attention.

  26. Gaius says:

    I still want to know the bag limit on giant puppet heads.

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  28. red says:

    Gaius, FreekyHoward:

    You guys are great! Thanks for the entertainment! That’s why I love the internet.

    PS What do those puppet heads weigh? How do you get ’em processed?

  29. TC says:

    Gaius, there are NO LIMITS when it comes to giant paper mache puppets. They’re like mimes: open season, 24/7/365.

    And clowns… gunning them down is–absolutely–an inviolate right granted all men and women of a free and democratic republic.

    Hippies, however, do have a bag limit if they are still of college age. But any over the age of 30 years (or four years removed from a college campus) are considered a public nuisance, so may be eradicated with impunity.

  30. Pingback: The Anchoress » Funniest Headline EVER!

  31. John McDermott says:

    What a name dropper, that Lyn Davis Lear. Gore Vidal and I were dining– on lobster and turnip greens –when the subject inadvertantly turned to the facistic election prospects of the hard-right wing. We agreed that we would have to fight on the barricades in downtown Beverly Hills if the huns retained their power. I told him I would send my childrens’ undocumented nanny, if he would send his ethanol powered jet helicopter to pick her up. He immediately agreed, and said his undocumented Mexican gardner would also be dispatched , because the feds were closing in, and he’d rather see him killed in battle than be returned to a life of poverty. He didn’t say whether he was paying the minimum wage or not. We agreed that it would be a small price to pay if in fact we made our point, whatever it happened to be at the time. We asked for seperate checks, and the senior, AARP discount.

  32. John Steele says:

    Hitler and Fernet Branca. That explains a lot, thanks. :-)

  33. Gaius says:

    I told him I would send my childrens’ undocumented nanny, if he would send his ethanol powered jet helicopter to pick her up. He immediately agreed, and said his undocumented Mexican gardner would also be dispatched , because the feds were closing in, and he’d rather see him killed in battle than be returned to a life of poverty.


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  35. Hitler and Fernet Branca. That explains a lot, thanks
    Branca dude had a cousin named “Ralph.”

    ‘Nuff said.

  36. Pingback: Blue Crab Boulevard » Blog Archive » Pass The Fernet Branca!

  37. Nick says:

    To take out the giant puppet heads, do we have to use mercury-filled bullets as in the original Day of the Jackel?

  38. Gaius says:

    They are paper mache, right? Wouldn’t tracer work?

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  40. Nick says:

    Can’t use tracer in California . . .. .

  41. Gaius says:

    Sucks to live there! No high-cap mags, either.

    Hmmm. Advantage, Midwest……..

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