Financing The Uprising

Trying to provide financing for the Animal Uprising™ has taken an ugly turn in India. Once they figure out what they're doing wrong, this method may become highly lucrative. Taking a page from the old American West, the animals are trying their hands - er - paws - er - hoofs - at train robbery. So far their strategy has been less than successful.

The trains aren't stopping for the elephants.

A passenger train hit an elephant as it crossed a track in the northern Dooars region of eastern India's West Bengal state Saturday night, said Tapas Bose, a forest officer in the district.

A few days earlier, another elephant died after a freight train knocked it over in a densely forested area also in the Dooars region, Bose said. Trains have killed at least six elephants in the area since January, he said.

The Dooars region, home to many wild animals, is about 400 miles north of the state capital, Calcutta. Animal rights activists have been demanding that train drivers be ordered to slow down while crossing the Dooars.

No, no, no, slowing down is exactly the wrong thing to do. If the train stops, the elephant's accomplices, the monkeys, will swarm over the train robbing the passengers! (And note that we predicted the monkeys would move up to bigger crimes! Damn we're good).