Evil Land Seals Invade England!

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Oh sure, people just keep calling the authorities on us here at Blue Crab Boulevard. The visits from the health department folks are becoming tedious, even if they are showing us those stylish white sport coats. We have been warning about the newest attacks by deranged, yacht tipping seals but people keep laughing and pointing at us, then calling the health department. But they won't be calling now, we bet! Because the Animal Uprising's land seal invasion has begun in England!

Animal welfare experts are baffled after a seal pup was discovered in a country lane, miles inland.

The animal, a male common seal, was spotted by farmer's wife Mary Woods, 45, and her daughter, Joanne, as they drove near the village of Capernwray in Lancashire on Tuesday morning. The village is about a mile from the nearest river and four miles from the sea.

Joanne, 20, said: "As we were driving back home from Lancaster, my mum said 'What's that by the side of the road?'

"We reversed and looked out of the window and I said 'It's a seal' and we both jumped out of the car. It was right on the roadside near a verge and a hedge.

"He started coming towards us and we just stared at it in amazement. We couldn't understand what it was doing there -the nearest sea is at Morecambe about 25 minutes' drive away.

"We didn't want to touch him because he is a wild animal with sharp teeth, but there is quite a lot of traffic on the road so we didn't want to leave him there either.

"We wanted to call the RSPCA but we didn't have their number. I rang my dad on the farm and said 'You'll never guess what we've found!' but he didn't believe me.

"We decided to pick it up. My mum took off her coat to wrap him in because she knew he'd have sharp teeth.

"He was too heavy to lift, so I reversed the car right up to him and we managed to get him in the boot. He was a bit grumpy and scared once we started to lift him."

Grumpy, hell. He was mad as all get out that they had stymied his plan to attack them by using one of those long-sleeved jackets on him! Hey! Wait a minute! I don't think I want one of those white sport coats any more. I'll tell the nice man the next time he comes around.

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