We here at Blue Crab Boulevard have spent a great deal of time and expended a great deal of energy trying to warn the world about the deadly Animal Uprising™. We've tried to expose the worst of the treacherous attempts at sneak attacks by the reptile legions. That's why you now know about alligators baiting traps with newspapers. That is why the whole world knows the danger of alligators disguised as doormats. Even the latest hideous trick of alligators gift wrapping themselves has been exposed by our fearless reporting. (And by the way, the word 'fear' in fearless is not pronounced 'sense'. We don't understand why people keep mispronouncing it.)
So now we bring you the latest warning in the continuing saga of camouflaged gators: they are disguising themselves as luggage.
Border Patrol spokesman Lloyd Easterling said agents detained a driver on Interstate 8 in Yuma, southwest of Phoenix, after drug sniffing dogs were alerted to the odour of narcotics in a car late on Thursday.
A brief search yielded a small quantity of marijuana and the agents asked the unnamed driver if he had anything else they should know about.
"He says 'there's an alligator in there,' and sure enough there was a four-foot alligator curled around in his suitcase," Easterling said in a telephone interview on Monday.
Easterling said Arizona state police subsequently arrested the driver on drug possession charges, while the reptile was handed over to the care of the Arizona Game and Fish Department.
The alligator, which appeared to be in good shape, had not been smuggled over the border from Mexico, but was being driven from California to Phoenix, Easterling said.
The U.S. Border Patrol has inspection stations on highways north of the 2,000-mile (3,200-km) border to search for undocumented immigrants and drugs smuggled north from Mexico.
This is very serious. Think of the havoc this is going to cause in airports this time of year. Hungry luggage devouring passengers. We strong recommend that our readers do what we do and beat any suspect luggage with a baseball bat before opening it. After a while, the neighbors pretend they don't see you, but at least you'll be safe.
