Two Words For David Duke

Bite me.

Or another two.

Bite me.

Oops, same two. Oh well. You can't improve on perfection.

Frankly, one hopes David Duke stays in Iran with his new pal, Mahmoud. Because he'd really be happier there with a like-minded cretin with poor hygiene.

"The Zionists have used the Holocaust as a weapon to deny the rights of the Palestinians and cover up the crimes of Israel," Duke told a gathering of nearly 70 "researchers" in Tehran at Ahmadinejad's invitation.

"This conference has an incredible impact on Holocaust studies all over the world," said Duke, a former state representative in Louisiana who twice ran for president.

"The Holocaust is the device used as the pillar of Zionist imperialism, Zionist aggression, Zionist terror and Zionist murder," Duke told The Associated Press.

Also at the end of the conference, Mohammad Ali Ramini, an Ahmadinejad adviser who has called the Holocaust a "myth," announced that he will chair a committee to find "the truth on the genocide of Jews."

Other members of the committee will be Robert Fuerisson, a French professor who denies the existence of gas chambers, along with Holocaust deniers from Syria, Switzerland, Austria, Canada, the United States and Bahrain.

David Duke, disgracing his country since 1967.

UPDATE: Others: Forward Movement, Hang Right Politics, Protein Wisdom, Redstate, Democracy Project, Fullosseous Flap's Dental Blog, Wizbang, Jihad Watch, Public Eye, Texas Fred, Not Ready For My Burqua, Jim Rose

UPDATE: Jim over at bRight and Early has posted his first ever video effort inspired by the little gathering of oxygen wasters in Tehran. You'll tap your feet.

Hot Manatee Love

One simply is awed by some of the strange and utterly weird changes being wrought upon society by the internet. Take for example http://www.hornymanatee.com/, a site that did not even exist until Conan O'Brien used that (up until then) website in a skit. But they realized they had to either a) buy the site b) bleep the name or c)risk having someone else grabbing the domain and posting something offensive. They chose option a). And now they have an internet phenom on their hands.

The skit, as scripted for the Dec. 4 installment of “Late Night With Conan O’Brien,” was about absurdist college sports mascots that the host and his writers would like to see someday.

Among them were “the Boise State Conjoined Vikings,” who had been born locked at the horns, as well as something Mr. O’Brien called “the Webcam manatee” — said to be the mascot of “F.S.U.” — which was basically someone in a manatee costume rubbing himself or herself provocatively in front of a camera (to the tune of the 1991 hit “I Touch Myself”). Meanwhile a voyeur with a lascivious expression watched via computer.

Who knew that life would soon imitate art.

At the end of the skit, in a line Mr. O’Brien insists was ad-libbed, he mentioned that the voyeur (actually Mark Pender, a member of the show’s band) was watching http://www.hornymanatee.com/. There was only one problem: as of the taping of that show, which concluded at 6:30 p.m., no such site existed. Which presented an immediate quandary for NBC: If a viewer were somehow to acquire the license to use that Internet domain name, then put something inappropriate on the site, the network could potentially be held liable for appearing to promote it.

In a pre-emptive strike inspired as much by the regulations of the Federal Communications Commission as by the laws of comedy, NBC bought the license to hornymanatee.com, for $159, after the taping of the Dec. 4 show but before it was broadcast.

By yesterday afternoon hornymanatee.com — created by Mr. O’Brien’s staff and featuring images of such supposedly forbidden acts as “Manatee-on-Manatee” sex (again using characters in costumes) — had received approximately 3 million hits, according to NBC. Meanwhile several thousand of Mr. O’Brien’s viewers have also responded to his subsequent on-air pleas that they submit artwork and other material inspired by the aquatic mammals, and the romantic and sexual shenanigans they imagine, to the e-mail address conan@hornymanatee.com.

Longtime readers know that the huge staff here at Blue Crab Boulevard all have a, let's be kind here, skewed sense of humor. This whole thing tickles us to no end. Tasteless? Sure. Funny? You bet. But, we also feel that Conan O'Brien is looking at a massive onslaught of lawyers assailing his entertainment empire for horning in on our turf. We are the home of Manatee Madness. We are the ones who have been warning of the menace of the manatees. We are even the ones who offered, at a very attractive price we hasten to add, the top secret recipe for manatee brisket. Which was apparently used successfully. Our lawyers will call your lawyers, Mr. O'Brien.

However, to prove our preeminence in the manatee information world, we are in sole possession of the most explosive manatee information available to mankind today. Our operative at the Magic 8-Ball Photography and Roadkill Removal, Inc. service have perfected an astonishing new technique. Yes, they can now do Future Fotography®. This stunning development allows them to get pictures of events that have not yet occurred! And it is with great pleasure we here at Blue Crab Boulevard proudly present an exclusive photo that Conan O'Brien's puny site can only dream of owning! This is a Future Fotograph® of Al Gore's celebratory barbecue after winning his Oscar! Please note the main course!

Only So Much Bandwidth

M. Zuhdi Jasser, a physician from Phoenix, Arizona has a few words for the six imams who were removed from an airliner in Minneapolis. They are not words of support.

The preponderance of evidence points to some troubling coincidences during flight preparation, regardless of where we stand on this issue. The distribution of their seats, while in fact random, raised concern. Changing seats after boarding, rather than before, raised concern. Conversations in Arabic after boarding raised concern. Seatbelt extenders raised concern. However, no passengers refused to board after seeing and hearing the imams pray aloud at the gate. Taken individually, each of the reported actions could be something any of us would do. However, in totality, although unfortunate in retrospect, it remains hard to fault a cautious crew who must act with little information to ensure a safe flight.

But let us look at the response of the imams since the incident.

They rushed toward the media never looking back. They have taken their story of victimization to every soft media they could find. They then stoked the same tired Muslim flames of victimization through their own political pulpits in mosques around the Valley.

Organizations like CAIR (Council on American-Islamic Relations) and the Muslim American Society also immediately jumped on board, even before the imams' flight reached Phoenix the next day, and began whipping up the drums of victimization. Their handlers flew in from across the country staging rallies and pray-ins so they could teach the American people about this supposed tragedy of injustice.

As a devout Muslim, I have watched this painfully protracted saga unravel, fearing what comes next. The media, especially print media, have bent over backward to hear minorities' fears. Yet public opinion has not seemed to budge in favor of the imams. The lesson here lies in why. It has to do with credibility.

We are all creatures of passion. This fiasco has stirred the passionate cry of victimization from the Muslim activist community and imam community. But where were the news conferences, the rallies to protest the endless litany of atrocities performed by people who act supposedly in my religion's name? Where are the denunciations, not against terrorism in the abstract, but clear denunciations of al-Qaida or Hamas, of Wahhabism or militant Islamism, of Darfurian genocide or misogyny and honor killings, to name a few? There is no cry, there is no rage. At best, there is the most tepid of disclaimers. In short, there is no passion. But for victimization, always.

Jasser absolutely nails the problem here. I have tried to link to moderate Muslim voices whenever I find them. There are far too few, sadly. The ones like the imams, shouting their victimhood to the skies are far too common. And they are not winning the American public over, either. As Jasser points out, Muslims in this country enjoy freedoms few, if any, Muslim countries would give them. My hat is off to Dr. Jasser for this well written opinion piece. These are the voices that need to be raised. Not the ones that cry "victim" at every turn. Please take the time to read the whole thing.

Paging Lorena Bobbitt

Your services are needed straight away. Please report to the English town of - and I swear I am are not making this up - Penistone. There's a large, um, Christmas tree that one of the resident's of the town, er, erected, that needs your expert services. The neighbors are complaining about it. (Picture at the link).

JOKER Alan Parkin put the willies up his neighbours - with this naughty 10ft Christmas tree.

 

Not content with adding just a couple of baubles, Alan, 47, decorated the fir with red and white fairy lights outside his home in aptly named Penistone.

 

But his jolly green giant didn't exactly excite fellow residents and they complained to police. Proof, perhaps, that size isn't everything.

 

One said: "It's rather rude. There are children and teenagers about and I don't think it's good for them to see." Another fumed: "It's just obscene. We shouldn't have to put up with it."

Perhaps he could decorate the tree with pornaments.

FLORIDA, United States (AFP) - The selling of sexually explicit tree ornaments called "Pornaments" at a chain of novelty stores across Florida has led a Miami lawyer to ask stores to stop sales, or else face legal action.

The nine ornaments — spoofs portraying Mr. and Mrs. North Pole, reindeer and Frosty the Snowman in sexually risque positions — are selling for nine dollars and are on display on public shelves.

Store officials say that there are no restrictions on selling them publicly, which has caused some citizens to be outraged that children can see them.

"I have sent a letter to the merchant telling them exactly what Florida statute they have violated," says Jack Thompson, the Miami lawyer who filed the protest.

What a weird year it has been.

Talk To Iran?

James Baker and his pals on the Iraq Study Group recommended that the US negotiate with Iran. And put pressure on Israel. Which solves nothing but does embolden Iran. Their president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad just proved that rather openly. He called for Israel to be "wiped out".

TEHRAN (Reuters) - Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on Tuesday told delegates at an international conference questioning the Holocaust that Israel's days were numbered.

Ahmadinejad, who has sparked international outcry by referring to the killing of six million Jews in World War Two as a "myth" and calling for Israel to be "wiped off the map", launched another verbal attack on the Jewish state.

"Thanks to people's wishes and God's will the trend for the existence of the Zionist regime is downwards and this is what God has promised and what all nations want," he said.

"Just as the Soviet Union was wiped out and today does not exist, so will the Zionist regime soon be wiped out," he added.

His words received warm applause from delegates at the Holocaust conference, who included ultra-Orthodox anti-Israel Jews and European and American writers who argue the Holocaust was either fabricated or exaggerated.

Maybe the world will get lucky and Ahmadinejad will just keep his guests. They deserve one another.

Fallen Caryatid

“…Here we have another emotional symbol - but wrought with exquisite artistry. Ben, for three thousand years architects designed buildings with columns shaped as female figures. At last Rodin pointed out that this was work too heavy for a girl. He didn’t say, ‘Look, you jerks, if you must do this, make it a brawny male figure.’ No, he showed it. This poor little caryatid has fallen under the load. She’s a good girl - look at her face. Serious, unhappy at her failure, not blaming anyone, not even the gods… and still trying to shoulder her load, after she’s crumpled under it.

“But she’s more than good art denouncing bad art; she’s a symbol for every woman who ever shouldered a load too heavy. But not alone women - this symbol means every man and woman who ever sweated out life in uncomplaining fortitude until they crumpled under their loads. It’s courage, Ben, and victory.

“Victory in defeat, there is none higher. She didn’t give up, Ben; she’s still trying to lift that stone after it has crushed her. She’s a father working while cancer eats away his insides, to bring home one more pay check. She’s a twelve-year-old trying to mother her brothers and sisters because mama had to go to Heaven. She’s a switchboard operator sticking to her post while smoke chokes her and fire cuts off her escape. She’s all the unsung heroes who couldn’t make it but never quit.”
(Jubal Harshaw in Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein)

My son sent me a birthday present:

First edition.

Oh Ye Of Little Faith

A while back we reported on the unfortunate demise of Rudolph the Red-Nosed flank steak when he visited a remote area of Alaska at a particularly bad time. Well, it was bad for him, but extremely tasty for the folks attending the Reindeer Messenger Festival (and banquet) in the Cup'ig Eskimo village of Mekoryuk. But some people expressed doubt about the veracity of our report. But we now have additional proof! And if you live in the Chicago area, you can sample some!

GLENVIEW, Illinois (AP) — Just in time for Christmas, they're selling reindeer hot dogs in suburban Chicago.

With grilled onions and mustard, it will cost you $8 at Fred Markoff's hot dog stand in Glenview.

The reindeer dogs are made in Alaska and actually contain a bit of beef and pork, because reindeer meat is so lean and dry.

They have video, too. So there. We told you so.

Sobbing Crocodiles

''Scuse me,' said the Elephant's Child most politely, 'but my father has spanked me, my mother has spanked me, not to mention my tall aunt, the Ostrich, and my tall uncle, the Giraffe, who can kick ever so hard, as well as my broad aunt, the Hippopotamus, and my hairy uncle, the Baboon, and including the Bi-Coloured-Python-Rock-Snake, with the scalesome, flailsome tail, just up the bank, who spanks harder than any of them; and so, if it's quite all the same to you, I don't want to be spanked any more.'

'Come hither, Little One,' said the Crocodile, 'for I am the Crocodile,' and he wept crocodile-tears to show it was quite true.

Then the Elephant's Child grew all breathless, and panted, and kneeled down on the bank and said, 'You are the very person I have been looking for all these long days. Will you please tell me what you have for dinner?'

'Come hither, Little One,' said the Crocodile, 'and I'll whisper.'

Then the Elephant's Child put his head down close to the Crocodile's musky, tusky mouth, and the Crocodile caught him by his little nose, which up to that very week, day, hour, and minute, had been no bigger than a boot, though much more useful.

'I think,' said the Crocodile–and he said it between his teeth, like this–'I think to-day I will begin with Elephant's Child!'

(Rudyard Kipling, The Elephant's Child, Just So Stories)

The myth that crocodiles shed tears before or after killing and eating their prey is an old one. But it has a strong symbolic image for people; faked emotion, pretending to feel a sorrow that is not at all real resonates. And so the myth is still with us. Unfortunately, so is the reality of people and nations shedding feigned tears for others in order to divert attention form internal failures. Lisa Beyer, writing in Time Magazine, points that out when reviewing the false reality of the Baker Commission's conclusion. For the tears are of the crocodile type.

No sensible person is against peacemaking in the Holy Land. Applause and hopefulness would seem the reasonable reaction to the Iraq Study Group's recommendation that the Bush Administration "act boldly" and "as soon as possible" to resolve the conflict between the Israelis and Palestinians. But as a front-row observer of similar efforts over the past 15 years, I could muster neither response. In lumping the Iraq mess in with the Palestinian problem–and suggesting the first could not be fixed unless the second was too–the Baker-Hamilton commission lent credibility to a corrosive myth: that the fundamental problem in the Arab world is the plight of the Palestinians.

It is a falsehood perpetuated not just by the likes of Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden, who came late to the slogan after their actual beefs–Saddam with his neighbors; bin Laden with the Saudi royals–gained insufficient traction in the Arab world. The mantra is also repeated like an axiom in the U.S.–in parts of the State Department, in various think tanks, by editorial writers and Sunday talk-show hosts.

Yes, it was a great disturbance in the Arab world in the 1940s when a Jewish state was born through a U.N. vote and a war that made refugees of many Palestinians. Then the 1967 war left Israel in control of the West Bank and Gaza Strip, and thus the Palestinians who lived there. But the pan-Arabism that once made the Palestinian cause the region's cause is long dead, and the Arab countries have their own worries aplenty. In a decade of reporting in the region, I found it rarely took more than the arching of an eyebrow to get the most candid of Arab thinkers to acknowledge that the tears shed for the Palestinians today outside the West Bank and Gaza are of the crocodile variety. Palestinians know this best of all.

The perpetuation of this enormous falsehood comes from all quarters, the better to mask the failures of the other nations in the Middle East. Jimmy Carter promotes exactly the same mythology in his latest screed. European governments constantly carp upon the issue. And it does not serve either the Palestinians, the Middle East in general or the world any good to continue to weep these phony tears. It accomplishes no more good than a real weeping of crocodiles would.  

Kofi Grounds

Investor's Business Daily takes a hard look at the farewell speech by Kofi Annan yesterday. They are not at all amused by the departing hypocrite-in-chief or his anti-American screed.

Departing U.N. chief Kofi Annan has much to answer for during his tenure, including his own possibly criminal behavior. Instead, in one of his final speeches, he lets loose a flood of bile, mostly aimed at the U.S.

First in an op-ed in the Washington Post and later in a farewell speech, Annan laid out his case for what ails the world. And for the most part, it can be boiled down to five simple words: the United States of America.

The anti-U.S. animus of Annan's speech was as clear as it was shocking. It betrayed a deep antipathy for the world's greatest democracy, and outright disdain for its ideals and sacrifices.

Speaking of the myriad threats the world faces today, Annan took a backhanded swipe at the U.S. when he said: "No nation can make itself secure by seeking supremacy over all others."

Annan went on to add: "The Security Council is not just another stage on which to act out national interests." Got that, U.S.? The global war on terror, the growth of democracy and spread of free markets are simply "national interests."

One has to admire the sheer chutzpah of the man, delivering such a speech at the Truman Library — named for the American president who did more to bring the U.N. into existence than any other, but who no doubt would be sick over its current corrupt state.

Kofi Annan makes a graceless exit from the UN, but at least he is finally going away. I'm sure he'll still pop up here and there like a rash that just won't go away completely, but he won't get quite as much press. His was the most corrupt administration to ever disgrace the UN. He will not be missed.

A Grave Mistake

Officials of the annual Rose Parade in Pasadena, California are making a very grave mistake. It seems that they have disregarded our warnings and will allow llamas into the event this year.

PASADENA, Calif. - Llamas have waited 15 years to appear in the Rose Parade. On New Year's Day, 18 of the animals and their owners will stroll down Colorado Boulevard.

Joan Selby, a member of the Llama Association of Southern California, sent the original application to the parade committee 15 years ago.

She is not sure why it took so long for parade officials to let the llamas into the parade but suggested it might have been fear of the unknown.

We here at Blue Crab Boulevard had been calling the headquarters of the Rose parade five or six times a day to warn them. But then the restraining order kicked in. We tried to tell them about the evil disguises and the gangland violence among the llamas, but they kept hanging up. The horses know better than the humans:

Paul Holman, president and chairman of the board of the Pasadena Tournament of Roses Association, said he has been told llamas had not been allowed in the parade because horses fear them and react as if the llamas were predators.

The recognize the danger of the llama mafia.

Gore’s Running!

He's crisscrossing the country campaigning like mad. He's making speech after speech and appearing on any media outlet he can. He's courting likely voters any way he can, even planning an appearance via satellite hookup right in people's living rooms. And if all goes according to his plans he's get the big nod he's seeking!

An Oscar.

That's right, Gore is expending presidential campaign-like amounts of energy trying to get an Oscar nomination for his movie, An Inconvenient Truth.

NEW YORK - Al Gore is waging a fierce campaign for recognition and an Oscar statuette for his global warming documentary, while reviving talk that he's pursuing a bigger prize: the presidency.

His recent itinerary has been the ultimate in high profile. The former vice president made self-deprecating jokes on "The Tonight Show With Jay Leno," offered ideas on preserving the environment to Oprah Winfrey and her daytime audience and parried questions on Iraq from Matt Lauer on the "Today" show.

This Saturday Gore is hosting a network of 1,600 house parties across the country to watch and discuss his documentary, "An Inconvenient Truth," with the Democrat planning to address the gatherings by satellite hookup. The movie is on the short list of feature-length documentaries being considered for Oscar nominations.

Crisscrossing the country to promote the DVD version of the movie — just in time for holiday gift-giving — Gore insists that he's not planning a return to politics.

"I am not planning to run for president again," Gore said last week, arguing that his focus is raising public awareness about global warming and its dire effects. Then, he added: "I haven't completely ruled it out."

Those words make Gore the 800-pound non-candidate of the Democratic field. The possibility of another presidential bid delights many Democrats still steamed over the disputed 2000 election, in which they argue a few more votes, a state other than Florida and a different Supreme Court could have put Gore, not George W. Bush, in the White House.

Now, someone who was a tad cynical might question the amount of carbon emissions being generated by "crisscrossing the country" in search of an Oscar nomination. But logical consistency was never Gore's strong suit. But aside from the distinctly carbon non-neutral campaign he is conducting to try and claim a statuette, there's one other thing to keep in mind about Darth Algore. As the self-proclaimed person responsible for the internet, he must, therefore, also bear partial responsibility for the invention of spam. (Also, according to this picture, his wiring appears to be coming loose.)

Differing Realities

President Bush met with people who, unlike the Baker Commission, actually have military experience. He was apparently told, in no uncertain terms, that several of the ISG recommendations were appallingly bad ideas. Reduction in troop strength and opening negotiations with Iran and Syria were roundly criticized.

President Bush heard a blunt and dismal assessment of his handling of Iraq from a group of military experts yesterday, but the advisers shared the White House's skeptical view of the recommendations made last week by the bipartisan Iraq Study Group, sources said.

The three retired generals and two academics disagreed in particular with the study group's plans to reduce the number of U.S. combat troops in Iraq and to reach out for help to Iran and Syria, according to sources familiar with the meeting, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the session was private.

The White House gathering was part of a series of high-profile meetings Bush is holding to search for "a new way forward" amid the increasing chaos and carnage in Iraq. Earlier in the day, Bush met with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and other high-ranking officials at the State Department, where he was briefed on reconstruction and regional diplomatic efforts in Iraq.

The military experts met with Bush, Vice President Cheney and about a dozen aides for more than an hour. The visitors told the officials that the situation in Iraq is as dire as the study group had indicated but that alternative approaches must be considered, said one participant in the meeting. In addition, the experts agreed that the president should review his national security team, which several characterized as part of the problem.

So there may be changes in both personnel and approach, but the result may not resemble the wishful thinking of the "realists". Good. The "reality" that the ISG espoused bears no actual relation to the situation as it exists. It rather reflects the exact same old jaundiced realpolitik that got the Middle East into the shape it is in today. James Baker may be willing to sell Lebanon out, I hope George Bush will not.

Spy Nation

It seems that Vladimir Putin is finding himself in very familiar company these days. Many of the prominent business leaders, especially in the energy sector are old pals. There are more and more former KGB officers filling those positions.

MOSCOW — On Nov. 15, the Russian Interior Ministry and Gazprom, the state-controlled energy giant, announced three new senior appointments. Oleg Safonov was named a deputy head of the ministry. Yevgeny Shkolov became head of its economic security department. And Valery Golubev was appointed a deputy chief executive at Gazprom.

All three men had something important in common beyond the timing of their promotions: backgrounds as KGB officers and experience working directly with President Vladimir Putin when he was a KGB operative himself in Germany or later, when he was a rising presence in the local government of St. Petersburg, his home town.

Russia's intertwined political and business elites are increasingly populated with people like them, former intelligence agents who have personally proved themselves to the president. At the same time, Putin has spearheaded the regrouping and strengthening of the country's security services, which had splintered into a host of agencies after the Soviet Union's dissolution in 1991.

In particular, the Federal Security Service, known by its Russian initials FSB, has emerged as one of the country's most powerful and secretive forces, with an increasingly international mission. Putin headed the agency in the 1990s.

"If in the Soviet period and the first post-Soviet period, the KGB and FSB [people] were mainly involved in security issues, now half are still involved in security but the other half are involved in business, political parties, NGOs, regional governments, even culture," said Olga Kryshtanovskaya, director of the Moscow-based Center for the Study of Elites. "They started to use all political institutions."

Kryshtanovskaya recently analyzed the official biographies of 1,016 leading political figures — departmental heads of the presidential administration, all members of the government, all deputies of both houses of parliament, the heads of federal units and the heads of regional executive and legislative branches. She found that 26 percent had reported serving in the KGB or its successor agencies.

There really has been a steady increase in news reports about these developments in Russia lately, haven't there? Russia under the Soviets was a bureaucracy gone mad and it looks very much like it is reverting to those old ways. With a distinctively sinister twist this time, though. The KGB is still very much alive and growing in power. Russia is descending into a frightening, gangster-flavored autocracy and they are using the energy sector as their primary tool for exerting foreign policy.

Shell is being forced by the Russian government to hand over its controlling stake in the world's biggest liquefied gas project, provoking fresh fears about the Kremlin's willingness to use the country's growing strength in natural resources as a political weapon.

After months of relentless pressure from Moscow, the Anglo-Dutch company has to cut its stake in the $20bn Sakhalin-2 scheme in the far east of Russia in favour of the state-owned energy group Gazprom.

The Russian authorities are also threatening BP over alleged environmental violations on a Siberian field in what is seen as a wider attempt to seize back assets handed over to foreign companies when energy prices were low.

The moves will alarm many investors in the City of London as Shell and other share prices are hit, but the news will also increase ministers' concerns about Britain's energy security.

These really aren't good developments for either Russia or for the world.