Paging Lorena Bobbitt

Your services are needed straight away. Please report to the English town of - and I swear I am are not making this up - Penistone. There's a large, um, Christmas tree that one of the resident's of the town, er, erected, that needs your expert services. The neighbors are complaining about it. (Picture at the link).

JOKER Alan Parkin put the willies up his neighbours - with this naughty 10ft Christmas tree.

 

Not content with adding just a couple of baubles, Alan, 47, decorated the fir with red and white fairy lights outside his home in aptly named Penistone.

 

But his jolly green giant didn't exactly excite fellow residents and they complained to police. Proof, perhaps, that size isn't everything.

 

One said: "It's rather rude. There are children and teenagers about and I don't think it's good for them to see." Another fumed: "It's just obscene. We shouldn't have to put up with it."

Perhaps he could decorate the tree with pornaments.

FLORIDA, United States (AFP) - The selling of sexually explicit tree ornaments called "Pornaments" at a chain of novelty stores across Florida has led a Miami lawyer to ask stores to stop sales, or else face legal action.

The nine ornaments — spoofs portraying Mr. and Mrs. North Pole, reindeer and Frosty the Snowman in sexually risque positions — are selling for nine dollars and are on display on public shelves.

Store officials say that there are no restrictions on selling them publicly, which has caused some citizens to be outraged that children can see them.

"I have sent a letter to the merchant telling them exactly what Florida statute they have violated," says Jack Thompson, the Miami lawyer who filed the protest.

What a weird year it has been.