Subparagraph F, Section D Clearly States…..

…That no elf impersonator will allow a child to sit on his knee unless said child is accompanied by a guard penguin. Sound silly? Well, it is a bit of an exaggeration of some of the rules and regulations governing the use of Santas in Britain. Sadly, it is not all that much of an exaggeration. Bureaucracy is killing Santa in Britain.

Other organisations have imposed draconian rules for fear of being sued. A shopping centre in Wales installed CCTV in Santa's grotto and printed a notice saying windows had been left "clear of decoration so that parents can see clearly what is going on". Even Tim Loughton, the Conservative Party children's spokesman, was banned from dressing up as an elf for charity because he had not been screened by the Criminal Records Bureau (CRB), an agency of the Home Office.

Mr Loughton and a group of fund-raisers from the Worthing and District Animal Rescue Society were forbidden from setting up a grotto in a garden centre last year.

"The pendulum has swung too far towards excessive protection," he said yesterday. "When volunteers are being deterred from coming forward to raise money for children you have to ask yourself in whose best interests are we acting?"

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The report highlights guidance by the Churches' Child Protection Advisory Service, a Christian charity, which tells clergy: "Use one of your organisation's 'approved' children's workers as Santa. If using someone else, then Father Christmas should always have a suitably dressed assistant present, who is an approved worker."

And Rotary Club rules say: "Santa or assistants should not actively invite children to 'kiss' Santa. If a child wishes to kiss Santa this should be on the cheek. It is preferable for children to shake hands or blow a kiss."

The Roman Catholic Diocese of East Anglia advises: "Father Christmas must not ask/encourage children to sit on his knee."

Yesterday's study also claims that the fun has been taken out of children's parties, with many parents being banned from taking pictures. Even the church offers little refuge from the bureaucracy.

Rules from the Central Council of Church Bell Ringers say: "It is recommended that at least two adult members of the tower (preferably one of each sex) complete the declaration and CRB check procedure, and at least one of these should always be present when young people attend ringing."

Like I said, the guard penguin bit wasn't much of an exaggeration. This is bureaucracy crushing society. This is the nanny state run completely out of control. Read what Mr. Loughton said again: "When volunteers are being deterred from coming forward to raise money for children you have to ask yourself in whose best interests are we acting?" That about sums the whole thing up, doesn't it?