To Boldly Go Where No Barista Has Gone Before

Bad news from Malaysia, I'm afraid. It doesn't involve Bigfoot this time, either. No, this is really, really important. In a devastating blow to the Malaysian space program, their first astronaut to visit the International Space Station will not take one small step for a barista, one giant leap for baristakind.

The astronaut will not be making a cup of tea.

Malaysia announced in September it would send its first astronaut into the heavens aboard a Russian rocket next year with a mission to make the nation's favourite hot drink, teh tarik, while orbiting Earth in the International Space Station.

But the Star newspaper, under a front-page headline "No space for teh tarik", said the voyage next October would be no tea party after all. Instead, it added, the astronaut would carry out experiments for Malaysian universities, including one on the effect of microgravity and space radiation on cancer cells.

Making teh tarik would be no small feat — it involves tossing boiling-hot milky tea from one cup to another — but one critic recently suggested in an Australian newspaper that Malaysia was wasting money with its push into space travel.

The Southeast Asian nation's obsession with food will still be reflected in the list of experiments, the Star report showed: the astronaut would take with him Malaysian fruits and herbs with the idea of developing them into space-travel treats.

Now, some people might be prone to ridiculing a "space program" that appears to be centered pretty much around eating. But since that is what the entire cruise industry centers around, it's hard to criticize. Think of it as taking a nice cruise in space. We do want to point out that we suspect, with no proof whatsoever, mind you, that we detect the espresso stained fingers of Starbucks in the sudden decision not to make tea. If the astronaut instead produces a Iced Decaf Triple Grande Vanilla Non-fat with whip latte we will have definitive proof! You heard it here first.