Britain Develops Inhuman Weapon

The monsters. They have unleashed the ultimate evil on the world. This is like some bad 1950s horror movie where bugs or animals grow to monstrous proportions. Only this is all too terrifyingly real. And it involves vegetables. The most evil minds in Britain had to have worked on this.

Britain has perfected the giant Brussels Sprout.

They may not be every child's favourite vegetable but brussels sprouts are, usually, small enough to gulp down with a quick shudder.

Not this one, however. Weighing nearly one and a half pounds, this supersize veg is 50 times heavier than the average sprout.

It was discovered by market gardener Carol Farley, of Culm Valley Organics, Uffculme, Devon, growing alongside its normal- size siblings. Mrs Farley, 41, said yesterday: "We've got over an acre of sprout plants growing which is thousands of plants and this one sprout was growing in the middle on a stalk.

It was so amazing to see it. We've been growing vegetables here for nine years and we've never had anything like this before.

"We use plenty of farmyard manure to fertilise the plants. Maybe that's the secret." The farm is run by a team which includes Mrs Farley and her husband Gary, 43, and Gary's brother Neil, 35, and his wife Susie.

Me, I'd be checking where that farmyard manure comes from. (They have a picture of it - it's huge. And evil.)

UPDATE: This may resemble the British ultimate weapon, but it isn't. Nobody is actually quite sure what it is although there is suspicion it may be petrified whale puke. We do not plan or participating in any taste tests, though. For either. Ever.