Christmas Prisoner Release

Updating a story we brought you back in November, we have just found out some grim news. We reported then about the dreaded land seal invasion of England. Vigilant civilians had captured one of the lead scouts and turned him over to authorities. But now we have learned that the authorities have caved in to demands from the Animal Uprising™ and freed the captive seal.

A baby seal found by the side of a country road miles from the coast or the nearest river has been successfully released back into the Irish Sea.

The male common seal was found by a motorist on November 28 at the village of Capernwray, near Carnforth, Lancashire.

Officials from the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals took the pup to a wildlife centre at nearby Nantwich.

He was initially called Sid but later renamed Ghost because of his "hauntingly beautiful" black eyes.

Ghost was released back into the sea off northwest England on Saturday.

Ghost, indeed. Spy is the correct term! The public should demand an immediate investigation into the authorities who handled this matter. They appear to be in cahoots with the seals and we deserve to know the truth! Oh, excuse for a moment. I have to answer the door. I had no idea the health department works on Christmas Eve.