When Cans Talk

Generally speaking, up until now if canned goods began to talk to you, it would be considered a very good sign that it was time to stop drinking. However, some evil - and I really mean evil - scientists are working on a technology to have cans talk, flash ads and generally stop behaving as normal canned food. Instead your can of peas will behave like a Madison Avenue pitchman on steroids.

If piped music and bleeping scanners get on your nerves at the supermarket, things could be about to get a whole lot worse.

Tins of food could soon be calling out to you from the shelves.

Scientists working on silicon chip technology have developed a tiny plastic screen which could be wrapped around tins, flashing up special offers as shoppers walk past.

If combined with a speaker and mini processor, tins could even call out recipe suggestions.

Baked beans could recommend serving them up with sausages while tinned peaches might suggest a dollop of cream.

The same chip technology could also one day become so miniaturised that it could fit within a shirt button.

This could then communicate directly with washing machines to ensure the perfect temperature for washing.

Of course, they could also keep an eye on the person wearing the clothing. And plot the best way to eliminate you. Not that we're paranoid or anything. Somebody find these scientists and stop them!