Crazed Connecticut ‘Coon Cuts Loose
The Raccoon overlords of the Animal Uprising™ have unleashed their disease-infested minions on the unsuspecting citizens of Connecticut. The murderous, rabid beasts are attacking innocent people trying to enjoy a quiet evening out on the porch. Fortunately, the residents of Connecticut are well trained in the art of lawn chair-to-raccoon combat.
As (Beverly) Lanouette enjoyed the evening at her Candlewood Drive home, a 40-pound raccoon crept up the porch's back steps and crawled underneath her chair.
She didn't notice the critter until it attacked, latching its jaws onto her right shin. Its teeth ripped through her corduroy pants.
Startled, she pulled her leg to see what was biting her.
"There was a raccoon stuck to my leg, and he was pretty big," she said today. "He was growling."
Lanouette, 48, grabbed a patio chair and used it to knock the raccoon away. It remained on the deck, staring down the women.
"I knew I had to get it off the porch," Lanouette said.
She clobbered it again with the chair, knocking it off the deck.
Then Lanouette and her 21-year-old daughter, Denise, fled inside. The raccoon pursued them. It began scratching at the back door.
They called the police, but didn't want the animal to escape before help arrived.
The brave patio furniture commandos of Connecticut chased the evil beast down and felled it with a shovel. Unfortunately, Lanouette has to undergo a full series of rabies shots, but is stoic about it. A fitting response for a fearless lawn chair warrior.
UPDATE: From the comments section, Quilly Mammoth points us to this terrifying story. It seems that Serbian suicide swine are on the loose! And they are highly flammable.
BELGRADE, Serbia - A farmer's home in northern Serbia was destroyed in a blaze caused by three pigs that broke out of their pen, walked into the living room and knocked over the TV, police said Wednesday.
The television tube burst, starting a fire that spread through the house late Monday in Temerin, 50 miles, northwest of Belgrade, local police said.
The authorities are covering up the facts, of course. The pigs were trying to off the farmer.
By Quilly Mammoth, Wednesday, 10 January , 2007 @ 5:42 pm
And the Animal Uprising Spreads!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070110/ap_on_fe_st/serbia_pig_fire
Three pigs trigger fire in rural Serbia
The articel claims the pigs knocked over a tv set and the bursting tube started the fire. But us long time readers of the Crabitat know better.