More About Australia’s Surrender

We were the first to bring the sad news that Australia had surrendered to the Animal Uprising™. Part of the surrender terms included putting people on display at the Adelaide Zoo. Another portion of the agreement apparently involves Australia setting up a penguin dating service.

The Fiordland Crested Penguin, also known as Groucho Marx penguins because of their distinctive bushy eyebrows, is one of the world's most endangered penguin species and is usually found in the frigid sub-Antarctic waters off southern New Zealand.

The male penguin was found at Norah Head, a sleepy beachside hamlet about 80 km (50 miles) north of Sydney, last November, exhausted and suffering respiratory problems after his trans-Tasman trek.

The penguin nick-named "Munroe" was taken to Sydney's Taronga Zoo, where he is now the only male of his species in captivity in the world.

Restored to ruddy good health after medical checks and a steady diet of pilchards, Munroe will soon be introduced to the zoo's other fiordland penguins "Chalky" and Milford", the only two females in captivity, and get down to the job at hand.

We are, of course, suitably appalled. Apparently Munroe has been making love calls to Chalky and Milford. The article describes the sound as a "cross between a grunting pig and a goose with a cold." We'd like to go on record as stating that it sounds precisely like a recalcitrant chainsaw that just will not start. But we digress. This is a complete surrender to the dark forces of the Animal Uprising™. Groucho would be very angry.