Gates: Iran “Doing Nothing To Be Constructive “

I was a bit concerned when Robert Gates took over as Secretary of Defense. His earlier history indicated that he might be willing to consider talking to Iran. He is, however, exceeding my expectations in that regard. Not only is he not trying to talk to Iran, he is flat-out saying that the conditions that made him originally hopeful in that regard no longer exist. And he appears to be more than willing to apply pressure and keep it up.

"The Iranians clearly believe that we are tied down in Iraq, that they have the initiative, that they are in a position to press us in many ways," Gates told reporters at NATO headquarters before flying to Kabul to meet with Afghan President Hamid Karzai and to visit U.S. soldiers and commanders……

……In Brussels, Gates indicated that Iran's perception of U.S. vulnerability was part of the reason the Pentagon decided last week to send a second aircraft carrier battle group and a Patriot anti-missile battalion to the Gulf area. Patriots defend against shorter-range missiles of the type that Iran could use to target U.S. forces in the area. The Pentagon has not said exactly where the Patriots will be based.

The second aircraft carrier gives the U.S. more flexibility and serves as a reminder of U.S. firepower.

Laying out his concerns about Iran, Gates cited Iranian support for the radical Hezbollah movement in Lebanon. He also asserted that the Iranians "are doing nothing to be constructive in Iraq at this point." Other U.S. officials have accused Iran of providing sophisticated bomb-making materials to insurgent groups in Iraq.

Gates said that as recently as 2004 the Iranians were "actually doing some things to be helpful" in Iraq, at a time when they felt concern at the presence of U.S. troops on their western and eastern borders, in Iraq and Afghanistan. At that point he felt diplomatic dialogue would be useful.

"None of those conditions apply any longer," Gates said, responding to reporters' questions about the reasoning behind the Pentagon's decision announced last week to dispatch a second aircraft carrier battle group and a Patriot missile battalion to the Gulf area. Neither move seemed directly to Iraq.

The pressure may well be doing some good, as I posted earlier. In honor of a little pressure, what is arguably the most famous opening bass riff in history:

UPDATE: Jules Crittenden thinks that there may be pressure in Iraq as well.

Countdown

Fidel Castro is reportedly in extremely grave condition.

MADRID, Spain - Ailing Cuban leader Fidel Castro is in "very grave" condition after three failed operations and complications from an intestinal infection, a Spanish newspaper said Tuesday.

The newspaper El Pais cited two unnamed sources from the Gregorio Maranon hospital in the Spanish capital of Madrid. The facility employs surgeon Jose Luis Garcia Sabrido, who flew to Cuba in December to treat the 80-year-old Castro.

In a report published on its Web site, El Pais said: "A grave infection in the large intestine, at least three failed operations and various complications have left the Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro, laid up with a very grave prognosis."

The earlier link was prophetic (should have linked it sooner, perhaps). I imagine they're putting a whole new furnace on line in the nether regions in honor of his arrival.

Two Words

Tonight, I made supper for the family. A very simple meal, Salisbury steak, broccoli with cheese sauce and French fries. Not exactly a culinary masterpiece, but serviceable, relatively tasty and, best of all, quick. With about three minutes left on the timer before everything was ready, I called - ok, I bellowed - down to my youngest boy, playing a computer game in the basement, that it was time for supper.

Up he came and took his seat at the table. My wife and I were chatting a bit in the kitchen while my daughter was flitting about doing something or other. I got the tray of Salisbury steak over to the table while waiting for everything else to finish cooking. The timer was down to about a minute or so left. The fries in the oven, the broccoli in the microwave, everything timed to come out more or less at the same time.

The timer went off, the fries were finished, the broccoli cooked. My wife and I, having done this sort of thing many times, each grabbed - with potholders, of course - the food and got ready to move it to the table. A nice, easy, sit-down dinner with the family. We headed to the table.

Where my son was in the process of finishing his first Salisbury steak.

I wasn't particularly happy about that. I pointed out that the purpose of a meal was to be able to sit together as a family and that it was rather rude to just dig in before all of the food was on the table. He nodded and asked for the fries to be passed. Then he proceeded to eat his weight in fries and Salisbury steaks - along with some broccoli , strictly under duress. It was his turn to do dishes as well, so after everything was eaten (a service he gladly provided), he did the dishes.

A half an hour after dinner I walked into the kitchen and found my son eating several pieces of cheese.

About 20 minutes later he had a bowl - a very, very large bowl, approximately the size of his head - of ice cream. And my wife and I looked at one another and knew. We knew that the dreaded words were upon us. We knew that soon it would be time to go shopping, time to spend untold amounts of money. Time to deal with the most dreaded two words of parenthood.

Growth spurt.

We Can But Hope

The Guardian has a story today that indicates the Iranian president Mad Mahmoud Ahmadinejad may be in a wee bit of trouble at home in a political way. It seems that his former ally, the supreme leader Ayatollah Khamenei, just may have cut off Mahmoud's protection by allowing the Iranian parliament members to attack his policies. Without his godfather, so to speak, Mahmoud may have some very tough sailing coming his way.

Iran's president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has suffered a potentially fatal blow to his authority after the country's supreme leader gave an apparent green light for MPs to attack his economic policies.

In an unprecedented rebuke, 150 parliamentarians signed a letter blaming Mr Ahmadinejad for raging inflation and high unemployment and criticising his government's failure to deliver the budget on time. They also condemned him for embarking on a tour of Latin America - from which he returns tomorrow - at a time of mounting crisis.

The signatories included a majority of the president's former fundamentalist allies, now apparently seeking to distance themselves as his prestige wanes.

MPs also criticised Mr Ahmadinejad's role in the UN security council dispute over Iran's nuclear programme amid growing evidence that the supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, has ordered him to stay silent on the issue.

The supreme leader, who was hitherto loyal to the president, is said to blame Mr Ahmadinejad for last month's UN resolution imposing sanctions over Iran's refusal to suspend its uranium enrichment.

Ayatollah Khamenei has ultimate authority on foreign policy, and is rumoured to be so disillusioned with Mr Ahmadinejad's performance that he has refused to meet him on occasion.

That last problem may also have a bit to do with Mahmoud's reported problem with basic hygiene. Would you really want to spend time with someone who isn't all that good at little things like showering? Well, unless you're an aspiring dictator, that is. Ahmadinejad has been spending quality time with his new lapdog, (T)Hugo Chavez, planning new ways to spend Iran's money on anything but the Iranian people. That gives the parliament yet another reason and a free hand to criticize him as well.

The two countries had previously revealed plans for a joint $2 billion fund to finance investments in Venezuela and Iran, but the leaders said Saturday the money would also be used for projects in friendly countries throughout the developing world.

"It will permit us to underpin investments … above all in those countries whose governments are making efforts to liberate themselves from the (U.S.) imperialist yoke," Chavez said.

"This fund, my brother," the Venezuelan president said, referring affectionately to Ahmadinejad, "will become a mechanism for liberation."

"Death to U.S. imperialism!" Chavez said.

Back to the Gaurdian for a moment for this comment:

The mounting criticism is fuelling speculation that Mr Ahmadinejad is politically doomed. Observers have even suggested he might be impeached and removed from office.

"Ahmadinejad's golden era is over and his honeymoon with the supreme leader is finished. He has problems even meeting the supreme leader," said an Iranian political commentator, Eesa Saharkhiz. "The countdown to his dismissal has already begun. There is a probability that he cannot even finish his current four-year period."

If Ahmadinejad actually does fall, it will be at least partly due to the sustained pressure from the United States, as subdued as that has been in an attempt to keep Europe, Russia and China on board at least doing something to stop the madman. Bush will, undoubtedly get no credit for that in the Western media. But it will be a fact nonetheless. And refusing to talk to Iran, rejecting the Baker boy's "realism" will have been exactly the right thing to do. Opening talks with Mahmoud would have strengthened him while weakening the US.

Diplomat: Castro’s Stuffing Falling Out

Reuters is reporting that Fidel Castor's problem is not cancer but that his stitches won't heal. According to the source, Castro was rushed to surgery 7 times in one day in December to deal with the embroidery problem.

The diplomat, who asked not to be named because of the sensitivity of the issue, was among one of the presidential delegations with close relations to Havana that were in Quito for the swearing in of leftist Ecuadorean President Rafael Correa.

The diplomat, speaking to Reuters, also dismissed suspicions that Castro, 80, may have cancer. U.S. officials have said they suspect Castro, who handed over power temporarily to his brother Raul Castro last July 31 when he underwent stomach surgery, could be terminally ill with cancer.

But they have offered no evidence to support this.

"Fidel has problems with his stitches healing," the diplomat said.

Cuban officials in Havana were not immediately available to comment on the remarks. But Cuban authorities have been insistent they will not divulge details of Castro's illness.

The diplomat said Castro was taken to the operating theater seven times in a single day in December to deal with the problem of his stitches. He did not give details.

We highly recommend one of these for Fidel. No fuss, no muss and it will catch all the loose bits.

UPDATE: The end is nigh.

Thank Heavens Our Politicians Are Serious

Yes, indeed, we should all give thanks for the serious, prudent, thoughtful and judicious politicians we are graced with in this great nation of ours. Why without them, we'd never resolve the really important issues confronting America.

Like who invented the hamburger.

NEW HAVEN, Conn. - A burger battle is brewing between a Texas state legislator and the owners of Louis' Lunch, a restaurant established in 1895, where it has been claimed that the hamburger was invented.

However, with the new session of the Texas legislature now under way, Republican State Rep. Betty Brown has proposed a resolution declaring Athens, Texas, is the original home of the hamburger.

Brown, an Athens resident, says that a long ago resident of the town, Fletcher Davis, had a luncheonette in the late 1880s and sold the first burgers there.

A magazine article also suggests that Davis not only created the hamburger, but sold it from a booth at the St. Louis World's Fair in 1904. A spokeswoman in Brown's office said she is proposing the resolution on behalf of the Athens Chamber of Commerce……

…..Mayor John DeStefano Jr., very much an advocate for his city, is backing the Lassens and their claims.

"It's a well-known and established fact that New Haven is the home of the hamburger. In fact, New Haven's claim to the hamburger is even supported and documented in the Library of Congress," DeStefano said.

DeStefano notes that New Haven has been a cradle of creativity, as the birthplace of the cotton gin, the first rubber tires, the corkscrew, the Frisbee, lollipops, Erector Sets and pizza.

Thank heavens they are solving all the weighty issues of the day. Idiots. Besides, everyone knows my great, great, great uncle Sven on my Mom's side invented the hamburger. He needed something to go with the fries after he invented those. Then it was on to ketchup.

More Crocodile Tears

I don't really recall ever reading any Associated Press stories delving into the minutiae of the methods used by Saddam Hussein to murder hundreds of thousands of people. I don't recall an overly large amount of coverage into all that cruelty. But my, oh, my is there an enormous volume of crocodile tears being generated over the hanging of Saddam and his henchmen.

In such judicial hangings, the victims are typically dropped a distance greater than their height through a trapdoor. At this point, the rope becomes rigid, and the force of the noose should break the victim's neck, causing immediate paralysis and unconsciousness.

The procedure causes a classic "hangman's fracture" — a break between the head and the neck, effectively snapping the upper cervical spine. In most cases, the victim dies of asphyxiation.

Though nobody really knows how long it takes a person to die from hanging, experts say it is probably anywhere from a few seconds to a couple of minutes.

In judicial hangings, as opposed to suicides, there is significant damage to the spinal cord. If the victims fall more than the prescribed distance, they may even pick up enough speed that the noose itself decapitates them, as happened Monday to the former Iraqi dictator's half brother Barzan Ibrahim. In rare cases, intense fear can cause the victim to die of cardiac arrest.

"Hanging is a very cruel way of killing people," said Harold Hillman, an expert in executions who teaches at the University of Surrey. "The fracture obstructs their breathing, and they are left gasping for breath."

The rope pretty effectively obstructs their breathing, I'd wager. The headline of this article informs us that hangings are meant to kill efficiently. They did. And for all the "cruelty" it was still rather more merciful than the trio who were executed were to their victims.

Preemptive Banning

We here at Blue Crab Boulevard are dismayed to learn that Saudi Arabia is reportedly considering banning the letter 'X' because, they say, it resembles too closely the Christian cross. Or at least that is what the New York Sun is reporting today.

The new development came with the issuing of another mind-bending fatwa, or religious edict, by the infamous Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice — the group of senior Islamic clergy that reigns supreme on all legal, civil, and governance matters in the kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

The commission's damning of the letter "X" came in response to a Ministry of Trade query about whether it should grant trademark protection to a Saudi businessman for a new service carrying the English name "Explorer."

"No! Nein! Nyet!" was the commission's categorical answer.

Why?

Well, never mind that none of the so-called scholars manning the upper ranks of the religious outfit can speak or read a word of English. But their experts who examined the English word "explorer" were struck by how suspicious that "X" appeared. In a kingdom where Friday preachers routinely refer to Christians as pigs and infidel crusaders, even a twisted cross ranks as an abomination.

Now, Hot Air is reporting that this report may be, how can we put this delicately: a load of manure.

And it is, I guess: the subject of the piece, Amr Mohammad al-Faisal, wrote about the incident for the Arab News…

…more than three years ago, which tends to undercut the Sun’s assertion that this is a “new development.” Also, does the name “al-Faisal” ring any bells? Turns out our friend Amr is no ordinary Saudi; he’s a prince. If he really cared about the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice overreacting to Christian symbolism, surely he could do more to try to rein them in than whine in the pages of the regime’s favorite English-language house organ.

But, we here at Blue Crab Boulevard are not just going to sit here and let the Saudis get ahead of us in the banning department, nosirree. We're going for a preemptive ban. We have decided that the letter 'e' closely resembles a Pac-Man. Since we never got the hang of that accursed game and used to have to buy winners quite a large number of beers, we are banning the letter starting right now. Nvr again will that accursd vowl appar hr at Blu Crab Boulvard. W plan on going back through the archivs and liminating thm rtroactivly as wll. Commnts, too. That's it - it's all ovr for you, Mr. .

Australia Pays Tribute

Australia, having capitulated to the Animal Uprising™, proving their obedience by putting people in cages at the Adelaide zoo as well as opening a penguin dating service, now have another duty to fulfill to the animals. Australia is now paying tribute exacted by their animal overlords. Yes, we're sorry to have to report that Australia is feeding its surplus human population to the jellyfish.

MORE than 700 people were stung by bluebottle jellyfish on Gold Coast beaches yesterday, including eight children who were taken to hospital. Surf Life Saving Queensland Gold Coast duty officer Graham Minter said immense numbers of bluebottle jellyfish - driven to shore by strong northeasterly winds - kept lifesavers extremely busy.

However, no beaches were closed due to the invasion.

Mr Minter said eight children, aged from two to 10, were taken to hospital after reacting severely to stings.

"They suffered swelling (from the stings), so we had to get them in and check them. They were all taken to hospital for further checking," Mr Minter said.

"The younger ones show the reaction more than the older ones."

He presumed the affected children were not seriously hurt because he had not received any reports to the contrary from the hospital.

They're covering up what really happened, of course. They say they sent them to the hospital, but nobody ever really showed up there. That's why they didn't close the beaches, either. The jellyfish were hungry.

Congratulations!

Samuel "Sandy" Berger, come on down! You're a word!

Bwahahahaha.

Science Education In Russia

A second year biology student did his level best to level his dormitory at Moscow University. Well, ok, he actually just damaged himself, the building is fine. But he's in a hospital after a little home science experiment went badly wrong.

The second-year biology student decided to experiment with different chemicals on Saturday night in a kitchen. He mixed them in a saucepan, heated the potion up on the stove and suddenly there was a loud blast.

"He wanted to see what would happen. What happened was an explosion," a police spokesman said. It was not clear which chemicals he had mixed.

The folks at Starbucks will be relieved to know the secret of the Frappuccino is safe. This time.

Goats Gone Wild

The village of Lynton in North Devon is under siege. Despite elaborate defenses erected by the town council, the invaders are sneaking in and raiding the cemetery. That's right, the goats are ghouls.

A £40,000 cattle grid may have to be redesigned after it failed to stop wild goats escaping from their beauty spot home and causing damage in a village.

The 70-strong herd has lived for centuries in the Valley of the Rocks - a site of special scientific interest overlooking Lynton in north Devon.

It was hoped that years of problems caused by escaped goats would be solved by the grid, which was installed mainly to keep in ponies introduced to help keep down ground cover.

But a dozen goats from the herd, a major tourist attraction, found a way to negotiate the grid and have been wandering and eating their way through the village.

The mayor says the goats are raiding the cemetery to "eat the cut flowers". Sure they are. Longtime readers will know this is simply not the case. We know what the goats are really after, don't we? The Animal Uprising™ claims another town.

(Unintentionally hilarious caption to the photo accompanying the article. What exactly is an unrelated goat? An orphan? Would a related goat be referred to as "cousin Billy?" Contact the Daily Mail and demand answers! Do not tell them we sent you, however.)

Iran’s “Managed Chaos”

Phillip Sherwell, writing in the Telegraph, looks at Iran's operations inside Iraq. The report shows that there is a major problem  there. And Iran is causing an awful lot of the trouble. The recent raids against some Iranian agents is just the tip of the iceberg as to what is happening over there.

Iran has set up a network of fake import-export companies in Iraq's Anbar province to channel funds to Sunni fighters, The Sunday Telegraph has learnt.

At secret meetings, tribal sheikhs with close ties to the insurgents revealed details of the money-laundering to Michael Rubin, a former Pentagon official and political adviser to the Coalition Provisional Authority.

"Truckloads of Iranian appliances like televisions are shipped into Iraq, apparently legitimately, and then sold for cash that can be channelled to Sunni insurgents," said Mr Rubin, now at the American Enterprise Institute think-tank. "The Iranians are very pragmatic about who they will deal with.

"The underlying assumption of those like Tony Blair and the Iraq Study Group, who back talks with Teheran, is that a stable Iraq is somehow in Iran's interests. But that's not so. Iran does not want a new Somalia on its borders, but nor does it want to live next to Switzerland. They are happy with managed chaos."

Iran has worked with individuals linked to al-Qa'eda-related groups responsible for some of the worst atrocities against Iraqi Shias, including the attack on the Golden Mosque in Samarra last February.

Alireza Jafarzadeh, the Iranian exile leader who first revealed Teheran's secret nuclear programme to the world, has compiled a dossier detailing the vast network run by Quds in Iraq. Its operations are centred on Basra and Najaf, and use a series of supposed religious and cultural organisations as well as diplomatic consulates across the country to develop, fund and arm militia and rebel groups.

Thousands of Shia militiamen have reportedly travelled to Iran for training and indoctrination, while Quds sends millions of dollars cash in the other direction each month, through diplomatic pouches and border crossings it controls.

Iran is backing both Shia and Sunni groups and facing them off against one another. Iran is essentially fighting two proxy wars, one against the US forces in Iraq, the other against Iraq itself. It is chaos alright. And the more this nation shows internal disarray to opportunistic enemies like Iran, the worse the situation gets.

Clotheslining Hillary

Salena Zito, writing in the Pittsburgh Review-Tribune, points out a rather obvious point. Ted Kennedy's preemptive introduction of a bill to deny funding for additional troops in Iraq has put Hillary Clinton into a box. Zito doesn't believe the clotheslining was intentional, I'm not so sure.

She can vote in favor of Kennedy's bill, then try to put some distance between herself and her 2003 vote for the war. That would make her look much better to many Democrats.

Yet it also gives fellow Sen. (and likely Republican presidential candidate) John McCain the ability to say at a critical campaign moment, "You did not give the president the authority he needed to be successful in Iraq. Shame on you — you don't get it, and you shouldn't be president."

Or she can vote against Kennedy's bill, which creates a much worse situation for her with the Democrat primary electorate. Those who oppose the war now number 85 percent to 90 percent of the Democrats' likely primary voters.

If Hillary wants to look tough and strong in a general election against McCain, who supports the troop surge, she faces a tough choice……

….By boxing in Clinton, is Kennedy trying to make a statement about who he wants to be the Democrats' choice for president? Not really, although he has publicly come out in support of Kerry, if his Massachusetts colleague once again seeks the Democrat nomination. Kennedy simply has always been against the war.

Zito points out that this box only applies to Hillary, none of the other potential candidates are in it because the rest are all of the cut and run stripe. I really am not at all sure this wasn't at least in the back of Kennedy's mind.

A Warning Repeated

Peter Brown, who is the assistant director of the Quinnipiac University Polling Institute, has a bit of cautionary advice for the politicians in Washington playing politics with the troops in Iraq. He repeats something that Bill Clinton said in 2002 and warns that it is still pertinent.

Yet, Democrats marshaling opposition to Bush's plan might do well to consider the words of the former president, who is their smartest political strategist.

After the 2002 election, Clinton had an explanation for those who did not understand why Bush and the Republicans had picked up congressional seats. The GOP victories that year, in which national security was a big issue, were the exception to the historical record of the president's party usually losing seats in mid-term elections.

"When people are insecure, they'd rather have somebody who is strong and wrong than someone who's weak and right," Clinton said.

Simply put, Clinton was suggesting that just because voters think a Republican president has messed up this war, doesn't necessarily mean that they will vote for the other party to make sure that it doesn't happen again.

That is because the number one criterion Americans have in picking a president is that he (and it is not coincidental that until now it has been a he) be a "strong" leader.

Clinton's wife is the front-runner for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination. It is also not coincidental that until recently, Sen. Hillary Clinton had been less critical of the Bush policy than many of her Democratic colleagues in an effort to strengthen her national security bona fides.

But given the building pressure within her party, and the need to avoid alienating the activists who hold great sway in the nomination process, she too has been stepping up her criticism of the Bush policy.

I will repeat something I have said on several occasions. The electoral victory in November was not a mandate for the Democrats to lose a war. Brown's warning echoes that message. It would be a good idea for the politicians to think about that in the coming days.