Another Plot Executed Flawlessly
The warlords of the Animal Uprising™ are learning from past mistakes. When their original plot to stop trains in India did not work out the figured out it was because the elephants looked too threatening. So they have revised their plan in England using a substitute that appeals more to the populace.
Rush-hour travellers making their way home between Bristol and Weston-super-Mare were, perhaps, not surprised when their train ground to a halt at Nailsea. But when the conductor announced the delay was due to a pair of swans who were refusing to move off the tracks outside Worle station, near Weston, they were amazed.
Vanessa Pele, 33, of Weston, said: "The general consensus was that we've all heard some excuses in our time but that this one took the biscuit. But the conductor insisted it was true."
First Great Western called in the RSPB and two officers arrived to retrieve the large birds.
What the unfortunate commuters do not realize is that while the train was stopped, the rats swarmed aboard. There has, of course, been a huge increase in the number of rats in Britain as the Animal Uprising™ gears up for their themed assaults next year when the Year of the Rat arrives. Those rats need something to do in the meantime. So why not put them on the trains to steal what they can and bite the occasional passenger? We strongly recommend that passengers on the Bristol to Weston-super-Mare run beat their seats with a cricket bat before sitting down. That's what we do. We've only been arrested once.
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