Pastor Gets Prison
An American court has sent a human accomplice of the Animal Uprising™ to prison for a year. The reverend Kevin Thompson was convicted of the crime of shark-running. Which is sort of like gun-running but with lots more teeth.
Kevin Thompson, 48, a Unification Church pastor in San Leandro, was one of six men charged with harvesting thousands of sharks smaller than 36 inches (91.5 cm), which are protected by law. The five others have also pleaded guilty.
In the sentencing, which took place on Monday, Thompson was also ordered to pay restitution of $100,000 (50,500).
According to the indictment, about 465 leopard sharks were sold to pet distributors in the United States, the Netherlands and Britain. Leopard sharks can grow up to about 6 feet (1.83 metres).
Note that the government was only able to account for a few hundred of the sharks. Frankly, Europe should be worried. According to one of our severely under-medicated sources, the animal overlords have perfected the fresh water conversion for leopard sharks. Of course, this same source assured us that Elvis was actually working in a grocery store in Zürich, so we aren't really sure about him.
By Kevin Thompson, Thursday, 25 January , 2007 @ 10:03 pm
< ?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> < !DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd">
When I first read this story I said, “Now this sounds a little fishy. Why would a Unification pastor be arrested for running fish?”
First of all I did not think fish could run at all because they do not have legs. And if he was running the fish, where was he running them to? Didn’t he know that you should not take a fish out of water unless you planed on cooking it. You can not convince me that this pastor and his friends planned on eating the 465 leopard sharks. That would be one humungous fish fry.
5 men and 465 fish, that means each man was running 93 on average. Was this pastor trying to reenact the miracle of the 5 loaves and 2 fishes, to feed the multitude? How did they run so many fish? If a shark does not have legs does he get tired if he runs? Was it a race to the FINish? This is one of the biggest fish tales I have ever heard.
When I read the name of the pastor, Kevin Thompson I said, “Oh No what did I do now?” Then I realized, “Oh he’s 48, it’s not me thank goodness.” Besides, they would have caught me a long time ago. I would have been tired after running the first 50 fish.
Kevin Thompson