Scientists Discover Obvious

And it only took them three whole years to figure out! We're so proud of them. After three long years of trial after trial after trial after trial German scientists have reached the stunning conclusion that sloths were given their name for a reason.

They couldn't get their sloth to move.

The sloth, named Mats, was remanded to a zoo after consistently refusing to climb up and then back down a pole, as part of an experiment conducted by scientists at the University of Jena's Institute of Systematic Zoology and Evolutionary Biology.

Neither pounds of cucumbers nor plates of homemade spaghetti were appetizing enough to make Mats move.

"Mats obviously wanted absolutely nothing to do with furthering science," said Axel Burchardt, a university spokesman.

Sloths are so lazy that their coats often have a greenish tinge. That is because algae grows on them (honest). Sloths would actually be extinct by now, but they are just too lazy to die.