Congealed Constrictor Captured

Workers clearing debris along the banks of the Great Miami River (which is actually in Ohio, not Miami – they do that just to confuse everyone) found a solid boa constrictor stretched out on the bank. The snake-sicle was dead. Which means that the Animal Uprising™ is making new recruits for the Zombie Animal Program®.

"We never expected this to happen," said Chris Miller, who was working with other McGraw-Kokosing Inc. workers to clean debris from recent floods and fill a sinkhole. "We've been entertaining ourselves. It's been a lot of fun, really."

The snake was stretched out when found near a bike path along the river.

"It's very unusual," Miller said. "It'd be like finding an alligator down here."

Boas generally don't coil when cold, said Niki Treadway, a saleswoman at Jacks Aquarium & Pets in Middletown.

Snakes also are unable to generate their own body heat and survive by taking heat from external sources, such as the sun or rocks.

They've been entertaining themselves? Doing what? Playing lawn darts with the solid snake? We here at Blue Crab Boulevard strongly caution against thawing the boa berg as it is likely a zombie waiting to happen. But carry on with the lawn dart game.