Ravaging Rodent Hijacks Plane To Hawaii!

A terrorist squirrel diverted an American Airlines flight en route to Japan from Texas. The aircraft was forced to land in Hawaii. The Animal Uprising™ strikes again!

Crews from American Airlines heard an eastern gray squirrel in the ceiling panel on Friday morning.

Traps were set up and the animal was caught later in the day.

Inspectors are conducting a rabies test. Officials do not know how long the critter got onboard.

Aside from that rather garbled last sentence, our experts surmise that this was an attempt to smuggle squirrel terrorists into Hawaii. While the authorities were busy subduing the hijacker, his accomplices sneaked off the plane and disappeared into the underbrush. We expect new squirrel terror in Hawaii at any moment.

Tanning Deerhide

We here at Blue Crab Boulevard, obsessive determined chroniclers of the Animal Uprising™ are a bit perplexed about this news item. It has to do with the tanning of deerhide, but we're a bit confused as to what, exactly, the deer was thinking. Tanning of deerhides is not usually done in tanning salons.

"It might have been attracted to some trees and greenery in the lobby," he speculated.

According to Thompson, after the deer crashed through the window and entered the store at around 8 p.m., the "large doe" jumped over the shoulder of one woman seated in the lobby and ran to the back of the salon.

"My first concern was for the safety of the customers and employees," Thompson said. "I was also a little concerned about equipment. I have a couple of $40,000 tanning beds in there."

Thompson said the deer ran around the store for about five minutes as employees and customers hopped up on nearby counters.

The deer suffered at least one cut from its impact with the glass and appeared somewhat dazed but ran back out the front door after employee Lauren Geyer propped it open so it could escape.

We're not sure if this was a genuine attack by the animals or a childish - er fawnish? - practical joke performed at the expense of the doe. Somehow we can picture a couple of deer watching and snickering as they watch their victim looking to get a tanned hide.

For The Superhero In Everyone

Want to be like Spiderman? Want to be able to zoom up to the top of a tall building? Well now you can, thanks to an engineering student at MIT.

BOSTON, Massachusetts (AP) — A 23-year-old inventor has come up with a tool to give mere mortals the powers of a superhero: the ability to zoom up a rope as fast as 10 feet per second and scale the side of a building.

The battery-powered, handheld gadget is envisioned as a tool for firefighters and soldiers, and helped earn Nate Ball of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology a Lemelson-MIT Student Prize, to be announced Wednesday.

While he has practical applications in mind, Ball says it isn't a stretch to compare the tool to the gadgets fictional heroes use to quickly climb to dizzying heights.

"It's neat to be able to create a real-life engineering solution that has the actual functionality described in the fantastic situations you see on Batman, and with James Bond," said Ball, an MIT graduate student who spends his spare time rock-climbing and pole-vaulting.

The invention grew out of an MIT-sponsored, Army-funded student design competition in 2004 to develop technology to help soldiers ascend rapidly.

Ball collaborated with three fellow MIT students to refine the design from the competition and create the Powered Rope Ascender, a product of the startup company they founded, Atlas Devices.

It's like rappelling backwards, zooming up instead of down. They already have a contract with the military to produce prototypes of the device. The military can see some real advantages to a device like this. So can I. The next time the kid gets a rocket stuck on the roof, we can go get it in style. Here's the website for Atlas Devices (Warning, slow load - probably a lot of visitors). They have videos.

More Details On Utah Shootings

The shooter has been identified now as 18-year-old Sulejman Talovic, a Bosnian Muslim immigrant. I sincerely hope that those are irrelevant details to the entire event. Police are being exceedingly tight-lipped about any evidence they may have found at this point.

Investigators were trying to learn more about the man responsible for causing the tragedy. Burbank said Talovic's car was searched, but the chief would not discuss whether evidence was found. He also did not say if any suicide notes were left or messages were posted on the Internet that might provide insight.
      On Tuesday morning, police detectives were in South Salt Lake, questioning employees at the Aramark Uniform Supply business where Talovic had worked since December. Aramark managers and a company spokeswoman declined to comment. One employee described Talovic as "quiet."
      Police said Talovic had a juvenile record of only four minor offenses. None of his arrests were for violent crimes.
      The man had lived at a house with his mother and three younger sisters near the Utah State Fairpark. Neither his mother nor his sisters would answer the door or respond to phone calls Tuesday, although a person inside would pick up the phone and then quickly hang up.
      Ajka Omerovic, who said she was Talovic's aunt, visited the home Tuesday afternoon. She told the Deseret Morning News that Talovic had been "a good boy." She said the family are Muslims from Bosnia who had lived in the vicinity of Sarajevo.

Talovic had a shotgun, .38 caliber pistol and a backpack full of ammunition. One side note is that the police have heavily modified their response to events like this. The first officers responding formed and ad hoc team and charged right in. They did follow the older procedure of securing a perimeter first.

This IS A Joke, Isn’t It?

Please tell me this is a gag piece in the Hill.

 Rep. Keith Ellison (D-Minn.) believes it is his right as a Muslim to be sworn into Congress with the Quran. But apparently, the freshman lawmaker doesn’t believe it’s Rep. Tom Tancredo’s (R-Colo.) right to smoke a cigar in his congressional office.

Ellison’s office called the Capitol Hill Police on Tancredo last Wednesday night as Tancredo was in his office smoking a cigar. The lawmakers have neighboring offices on the first floor of the Longworth House Office Building.

Tancredo was still stunned a day later. “It’s very bizarre,” said Tancredo, who has never met Ellison. “Seemed to me not a good way to say hello.”

And let’s face it. Calling the cops on a colleague takes the cake for the nerviest behavior so far among members of this year’s freshman class of Congress. 

This is how it all went down. On Wednesday evening, around 6 p.m., Tancredo was preparing for his trip to Mississippi. And as he so often does, he was unwinding with a cigar.

Soon enough, however, a police officer walked in to check on the smoke. The officer told Tancredo that the officer came because he was required to do so and not because the officer wanted to. The officer had already told Ellison that Tancredo was permitted to smoke in his office. The visit was more a formality.

This is a member of the United States House of Representatives? This is an elected official? Really? Calling the police over something which is a) not illegal and b) absolutely allowed in the offices. Although his press secretary made the actual call, Ellison was informed and approved. I'm thinking Tancredo really needs to throw a great big Limburger and red onion party. That would amuse Ellison and his staff to no end. The Capitol police wouldn't respond, though. Not if they value their noses.

This is a member of the United States House of Representatives? This is an elected official? Really? Calling the police over something which is a) not illegal and b) absolutely allowed in the offices. Although his press secretary made the actual call, Ellison was informed and approved. I'm thinking Tancredo really needs to throw a great big Limburger and red onion party. That would amuse Ellison and his staff to no end. The Capitol police wouldn't respond, though. Not if they value their noses.

Contemptible Strategy

Why am completely unsurprised that it is being spearheaded by a completely contemptible man like John "Unindicted Co-conspirator" Murtha. The Politico is reporting the cowardly way Murtha and his fellow travelers plan to put the lives of American troops in jeopardy.

Top House Democrats, working in concert with anti-war groups, have decided against using congressional power to force a quick end to U.S. involvement in Iraq, and instead will pursue a slow-bleed strategy designed to gradually limit the administration's options.

Led by Rep. John P. Murtha, D-Pa., and supported by several well-funded anti-war groups, the coalition's goal is to limit or sharply reduce the number of U.S. troops available for the Iraq conflict, rather than to openly cut off funding for the war itself.

The legislative strategy will be supplemented by a multimillion-dollar TV ad campaign designed to pressure vulnerable GOP incumbents into breaking with President Bush and forcing the administration to admit that the war is politically unsustainable.

As described by participants, the goal is crafted to circumvent the biggest political vulnerability of the anti-war movement — the accusation that it is willing to abandon troops in the field. That fear is why many Democrats have remained timid in challenging Bush, even as public support for the president and his Iraq policies have plunged.

They frankly do not care how much damage they do to the United States in their blind lust for political power, do they? They frankly don't care that they will, in effect, tie the hands of the military commanders with this strategy. They haven't the courage to actually vote for their convictions and instead pull a stealth campaign like this.

UPDATE: Others: Captain's Quarters, Right Wing Nut House, Redstate, Confederate Yankee, The Strata-Sphere, PoliPundit, QandO, Chicago Boyz, Decision '08, Gold-Plated Witch on Wheels, "7.62mm Justice" ™, The Influence Peddler, Riehl World View, Mudville Gazette, Power and Control, Bill's Bites, Hot Air, BLACKFIVE, Ace of Spades HQ, BizzyBlog, IMAO, Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler, OTB,

Monkey Business

We here at Blue Crab Boulevard are very sorry to have to report that the folks running the Los Angeles Animal penitentiary (called a "zoo" by people who don't understand the actual nature of the facilities) have gone over to the Animal Uprising™. In a big, but well designed way, too. They have perfected monkey feng shui.

Consulting the feng shui expert was part of the cost for a $7.4 million enclosure for the golden monkeys debuting at the zoo later his year. Feng shui focuses on balance in design to promote health and happiness.

Feng shui is in demand among high-end architects and interior designers, but Beverly Hills-based feng shui expert Simona Mainini said the Los Angeles Zoo's effort may be a first in animal enclosure design.

"It's very experimental," Mainini said. "We don't have any books on feng shui for monkeys. We just have to assume that Darwin is correct and that there is a connection and what is good for humans is good for monkeys."

The exhibit for the male and two female golden monkeys is nearing completion and they are expected to arrive by the end of the year, once China approves the export permit.

Exhibit designers from the Seattle-based Portico Group said the enclosure was designed to re-create the feel of a rural Chinese village.

We'd just like to point out that the folks living in the real rural Chinese villages prefer the monkeys go elsewhere, good design or not. Monkeys are messy by nature and leave bits of feng all over the place.

A Belgian Valentine’s Day Present

A Belgian "oxygen bar" has decided to replace the traditional Valentine's Day gift of chocolate and flowers with something more lasting: brain damage and asphyxiation! They are encouraging people to replace their oxygen with a hefty snort of helium to pledge undying love to one another in squeaky voices. Which is funny right up until the real dying part kicks in.

"Valentine's Day is a special day for couples but its possible to have a party with just two. I wanted to make a different kind of party. Also people who are alone can come here and have some fun," said Gerard Bazzone, co-owner of the Pure Bar.

But patrons should be wary of pledging undying love repeatedly as too much helium can cause asphyxiation.

This is one of those stunts that just makes you shake your head. It really is incredibly dangerous to do things like this. I guess I'm surprised that the bar's insurance company hasn't gone psychotic on them. Or that the health authorities haven't stepped in.

Anti-Syrian Demonstrations In Lebanon

Large crowds took to the streets in Beirut to mark the second anniversary of the assassination of Rafik al-Hariri, the former premier of Lebanon. His murder is believed to have been conducted on Syria's orders. The Syrians and their allies, Hezbollah, have been trying to overturn the Lebanese government specifically to head off the formation of the international tribunal that is being organized to bring Hariri's killers to justice.

BEIRUT (Reuters) - Around 300,000 Lebanese waving flags and blue balloons demonstrated in Beirut on Wednesday to honor Rafik al-Hariri, two years after the ex-premier's killing, and show support for the anti-Syrian government.

Police guarded Hariri's tomb in central Beirut's Martyrs Square where a digital sign showed 730 — the number of days that have passed without his assassins being brought to justice.

Hariri, a Sunni Muslim billionaire tycoon with close ties to Saudi Arabia and France, masterminded Lebanon's reconstruction after its 1975-90 civil war. He had fallen out with Syria, then the dominant power in Lebanon, in the months before his death.

"We are today in the hour of truth and the last leg for the setting up of the international tribunal, which will happen soon, very soon," Hariri's son Saad told the crowd.

The government and the U.N. Security Council have approved plans to establish the court to try Hariri's killers, over objections from the Hezbollah-led opposition and from Lebanon's pro-Syrian president. Parliament's approval is also required.

"We are ready for every courageous decision for the sake of Lebanon and for the sake of a solution in Lebanon, but the international tribunal is the only passage for any solution," Saad al-Hariri declared from behind a bullet-proof screen.

So far Hezbollah has been held at bay in their ambitions to try to seize power and topple the government. Not that they have not been trying every evil trick they have including bombing buses.

The explosions come a day before the second anniversary of the Hariri assassination. March 14 is planning a massive rally to commemorate the February 14 2005 killing of the former PM and at least 20 others.

Lebanon's civil war officially started with a bus massacre—gunmen attacked a bus on April 13 1975 carrying Palestinians in the Christian neighborhood of Ain El Remmeneh. The February 13 2007 attacks, which targeted Christians — the terrorists' favored targets since the Hariri assassination –  were probably designed to ignite another civil war on the eve of the commemorations.

According to Naharnet, Telecommunications Minister Marwan Hamadeh is claiming that the targeted buses were rented to carry participants in tomorrow's rally.

Update. The official death toll is three, with 20 injured. A 35 year old mother of two is among those killed.

The situation remains precarious.

Using Children As Human Shields

The Taliban in Afghanistan retreated from a recent battle using local Afghan children as human shields to secure their escape. These are the savages we face.

The fighting occurred during Operation Kryptonite on Monday, an offensive to clear insurgents from the Kajaki Dam area in southern Helmand province to allow repairs to its power plants and the installation of extra capacity.

"During this action … Taliban extremists resorted to the use of human shields. Specifically, using local Afghan children to cover as they escaped out of the area," Colonel Tom Collins, a spokesman for the NATO-led International Security Assistance Force (ISAF), told reporters in Kabul.

The Kajaki Dam fighting was in an area where 700 mainly foreign fighters, including Chechens, Pakistanis and Uzbeks, arrived from Pakistan this week to reinforce Taliban guerrillas.

NATO also said it killed a senior local Taliban commander and several comrades in a pre-dawn air-strike on Wednesday between the dam and the rebel-held town of Musa Qala to the west, but denied residents' accounts civilians were also killed.

There aren't enough foul words in the world to describe people like this. And the entire Muslim world should be enraged about this. These monsters hide behind the trappings of religion in an attempt to gain political power and they should be condemned for what they are.

A Little More Balance

Janet Albrechtsen, writing in the Australian, has an excellent column about the raging, and quite deranged, anti-Americanism in the Western world. She points out that it is not the province of the Western elitists any longer. Rather it is all-pervasive at all levels. And it is corrosive in the extreme.

Andrei S. Markovits, author of Uncouth Nation: Why Europe Dislikes America, is no neo-con Bush cheerleader. Markovits told The Australian he is a card-carrying progressive signing up to every seminal Left issue. But he cannot stomach the toxic anti-Americanism, a staple of his side of politics. A bunch of people opposing US policies is not anti-Americanism. Instead, something new has emerged, he says. "European anti-Americanism is becoming an unprecedented Europe-wide lingua franca" - a "key mobilising agent" for a common European identity. It has, quite literally, become the last acceptable prejudice, sanctioned by the highest levels of government. Europeans may bicker over an EU constitution, but they can agree on who they hate. They hate America.

Where once it was relegated to the far Right and the far Left to despise American culture and capitalism in equal doses, now it's become part of the respectable mainstream. Markovits augments countless surveys and opinion polls with myriad examples of quotidian life in Europe where anything nasty is blamed on the US, from the Americanisation of European accounting practices, electoral campaigns, urban planning and credit card use to the US infecting sport, film, music, language, habits. If it's nasty, it's America's fault. Even reality television is bagged as an American blight. (For the record, Europeans invented that gem of a genre.)

Anti-Americanism has less to do with US politics and policies and more to do with what Markovits calls the "perfectly respectable human need to hate the big guy". Half a century ago, Hannah Arendt commented on the same psychology of mistrust aimed at the US. It was, she said, the inevitable plight of the big, rich guy to be alternately flattered and abused, remaining unpopular no matter how generous they were.

And so Norwegian Nobel laureate Knut Hamsun hated the US for being too big and too fast. Anti-Americanism has morphed into a desire to bring America to heel, something that coincides with the goal of Islamists. But if the big, fast rich guy retreats, it's worth asking who will step up to the plate when the West needs things fixed. The dawdling burghers of Europe may recall that small and slow did not help the Kuwaitis, Bosnian Muslims, Kosovars, Afghanis or the tsunami victims.

This is a highly recommended read. Albrechtsen makes the important point (again, others have also done so) that every president has been reviled by the West no matter what they did. Clinton was not loved by Europe until he was out of office. Carter was thoroughly detested during his term. This is not a new phenomenon. Whoever wins in 2008 will be just as roundly reviled no matter who they are or what they do.

Its A Bat Eat Bird World

We here at Blue Crab Boulevard, fearless reporters on the dangers of the Animal Uprising™ have some disturbing news for our faithful readers. It seems the bats have taken to eating the birds.

Spanish and Swiss researchers said they had nailed down controversial evidence that one large species of bat preys on little birds as they migrate through the dark of night over the Mediterranean.

They said giant noctule bats, large bats with an 18-inch (45-centimetre) wingspan, were eating mostly insects during the spring but appeared to have a diet heavy in bird meat during the autumn.

No other animal preys on birds that migrate at night, and this species of bat may have switched to this abundant food source recently, they reported in the Public Library of Science journal PLoS ONE.

"In the course of a few million years, bats colonised most ecological niches and learnt to exploit a wide array of food sources including arthropods, pollen, fruit, small terrestrial vertebrates and even blood," Ana Popa-Lisseanu and Carlos Ibanez of the Consejo Superior de Investigaciones Cientificas in Seville, Spain, and colleagues wrote.

Researchers on the team had earlier reported finding bird feathers in the faeces of the bats, creating a storm of controversy, with some biologists saying the bats must have accidentally eaten feathers floating in the air.

Why is this disturbing? Other than the image of a bat with an 18-inch wingspan we mean? Well, that should be obvious. We suspect that the bats are working their way up the food chain, getting larger and larger prey. They're training for attacks on humans.

Utah Shootings Update

The off-duty police officer who happened to be at the mall in Utah where a teenage gunman killed five people very likely saved a number of lives.

A day after the shooting, investigators struggled to figure out why a trench-coated Sulejmen Talovic opened fire on shoppers with a supremely calm look on his face.

The teenager wanted "to kill a large number of people" and probably would have killed many more if not for the off-duty officer, Police Chief Chris Burbank said.

Ken Hammond, an off-duty officer from Ogden, north of Salt Lake City, jumped up from his seat at a restaurant after hearing gunfire and cornered the gunman, exchanging fire with him until other officers arrived, Burbank said.

"There is no question that his quick actions saved the lives of numerous other people," the police chief said.

Police said it was not immediately clear who fired the shot that killed Talovic.

Talovic had a backpack full of ammunition, a shotgun and a .38-caliber pistol, police said. Investigators knew little about him, except than he lived in Salt Lake City with his mother, the police chief said. He was enrolled in numerous city schools before withdrawing in 2004, the school district said.

"I feel like I was there and did what I had to do," Hammond told reporters. After spotting the gunman, he told his pregnant wife to take cover in the restaurant and went to confront the suspect.

Talovic's aunt, Ajka Onerovic, emerged briefly from the family's house to say relatives had no idea why the young man attacked so many strangers. She said the family moved to Utah from Bosnia.

Officer Hammond acted in the finest traditions of the police force here and deserves all the applause that citizens can supply.