Hijacker Executed

The terrorist squirrel that hijacked an American Airlines flight and diverted it to Hawaii has been executed. Justice is swift in the unfriendly islands.

But state officials say when it comes to alien species of animal, insect or even plant, the aloha spirit does not apply.

"Wild animals that come in are generally not kept alive," said Dr. James Foppoli, state veterinarian.

The eastern gray squirrel was discovered last Friday in the ceiling space aboard American Airlines Flight 176. The Tokyo-to-Dallas flight was diverted to Honolulu because of concerns that it might chew through wires and endanger the 200-plus humans aboard.

After being caught in a trap set on the aircraft, the animal was killed. Lab tests, which require specimens from the brain, revealed that the animal did not have rabies.

If it had been a snake on a plane, the animal might have had a chance for survival.

"Some exotic ones, especially snakes, may be sent back if there are sanctuaries on the mainland that really want them," Foppoli said.

Authorities anywhere would take custody of animals whose erratic behavior might indicate rabies, he said. "Obviously there was something unusual going on with this squirrel; it's abnormal behavior to be on a plane," said the veterinarian.

Longtime readers know that the squirrel was not acting irrationally at all. It was an operative for the Animal Uprising™. The authorities use cover stories like this to keep the masses calm.

UPDATE: I should have linked to the earlier story, sorry.