The Dreadful News

We are sorry to report that the Animal Uprising™ has reached another grim milestone in their genetic engineering campaign. We told readers about the four wheel drive chickens and dolphins and the dreaded seven wheel drive deer. But now the even the ducks are in the program. That's right, four wheel drive ducks are making their debut.

LONDON (AP) — Webbed feet run in Stumpy's family, but he's the first to have four of them.

A rare mutation has left the eight-day-old duckling with two nearly full-sized legs behind the two he runs on. Nicky Janaway, a duck farmer in New Forest, Hampshire, 95 miles southwest of London, unveiled the duckling to reporters on Saturday.

"It was absolutely bizarre. I was thinking 'he's got too many legs' and I kept counting 'one, two, three, four,'" Janaway said.

Be thankful the counting stopped at four. Can you imagine how fast these things will be able to swim? These are more amphibious shock troops. Not as large as the cows, but much faster.