The Real Mall Rats
Oh sure, there was a Kevin Smith film named Mallrats that was pretty soundly panned by the critics. (Even though it features appearances by Jay and Silent Bob.) And people have called teenyboppers who hang out in malls Mall Rats for years, I can't even remember how long ago I first heard the term. Someone probably coined it about a week after the first indoor shopping mall opened. But in Atlanta, they are gearing up to deal with the real thing. Mall rats, as in actual rats who are occupying an abandoned mall near a residential area. The locals are terrified of the waves of ravening rodents that will be unleashed when the mall is stormed by the authorities. Or torn down to make way for a Wal-Mart, which is the cover story the authorities are using to avoid terrorizing the public.
Avonwood, an Avondale Estates neighborhood of tidy brick ranch houses next to the mall, expects to be the front line.
Homeowners have found a sympathetic ear at City Hall.
"Whenever you tear a building down, the roaches and rats will run," City Manager Ron Rabun said. "You knock it down, and here they come."
Avonwood has battled rats for years, said Terry Giager, a former community association president, and homeowners blame the giant, empty building to the south. The 360,900-square-foot mall closed five years ago.
Neighbors suspect rats live in the mall, then roam north to scavenge in their yards from trash, bird feeders and leftovers in dog bowls. They often invade homes.
Giager has volunteered his time as the rat go-to guy. He removed 17 rats under one woman's house, he said, then helped her rat-proof the place.
Now the neighborhood worries that rats of "Willard" proportions will stampede north toward their homes. There's no major road between the neighborhood and the mall to stop them.
Oh, heck. This is going to make Willard look tame. One of our borderline psychotic more unusual informants reports that the rats have actually been barricaded in the mall demanding free cheese. When the authorities finally storm the place, expect massive "rodent wave" attacks. You heard it here first.
By Chris, Wednesday, 21 February , 2007 @ 9:34 am
It’s time to send in Ving Rhames.
By sarge, Thursday, 22 February , 2007 @ 3:14 am
In stalwart defense of Kevin Smith, Mallrats remains a fan favorite.
By Gaius, Thursday, 22 February , 2007 @ 6:17 am
Funny how some of the films critics revile become fan favorites anyway, isn’t it?
By Chris, Thursday, 22 February , 2007 @ 9:30 am
I always remember that Roger Ebert didn’t like “Star Wars”.