Minnesota Madness
Workers at the headquarters of 3M were given a rude introduction to the Animal Uprising™ on Tuesday. Instead of a normal, quiet lunch hour, they had a deadly deer rampage through one of their laboratories.
Just before noon, employees in Building 201 heard the crash. Then, a company alert went out about the unwelcome corporate raider.
"The guy on the PA system said, 'Emergency response, emergency response. Deer just went through the window,' " said Andrew Hine, a 3M researcher who works in an adjacent building. "Everyone just went down there to look."
Police officers arrived to find shattered glass everywhere and one edgy deer.
"It got into the lab and was really breaking stuff up," said Lt. Kevin Rabbett of the Maplewood Police Department. "The officers said there were beakers flying all over the place."
Officers couldn't find anyone nearby with a tranquilizer gun, so they put their heads together and hatched a plan.
They opened a door.
Police steered the deer into a hallway that dead-ended at an exit door. Officers blocked other passages, which left the deer one option — leave. Finally, it did.
Sure, it left and the police helped it to do so. (We here at Blue Crab Boulevard are highly suspicious that the police were in on it. Note the last name of the police spokesman.) The problem is, the deer also got the top secret formula for the glue used on Post-It Notes®. We're not sure what the animal overlords are planning to do with that formula. We shudder to think of some of the possible uses for self-adhesive animals that can be removed and reapplied.
By Lars Walker, Wednesday, 7 March , 2007 @ 2:53 pm
You know what 3M stands for, don’t you? It stands for Mice, Moose and… uh, Moo.