Pegleg Panda Pandering Program

The Chinese, who already have a penchant for pandering to pandas by procuring people to feed to the animals, have reached a new low. They are now soliciting a prosthetic leg for a panda. So the panda can have sex, mind you.

One seriously injured panda, a two- or three-year-old female that rescuers named "Niu Niu" (girl), was taken to an animal rescue center and saved, but lost two-thirds of its front left leg.

"Niu Niu's spirits have lifted, the wound has healed and her appetite has basically recovered. But without her left paw, her loss of balance has directly affected her love life," the paper said.

"The rescue centre's staff suddenly had a bold idea. If they could give Niu Niu an artificial limb, not only would that solve her walking and foraging for food, it would also enable her to mate."

Staff were appealing to the world's experts for suggestions and hoped to receive a plan for a "meticulously scientific" fake limb as soon as possible, the paper said.

We aren't sure whether this program classes as pegleg panda pandering or pegleg panda pimping. Either involves violation of international alliteration control standards, however. People providing panda procurement programs are a problem. Positively.