Cold Water

Michael Goodwin, writing in the New York Daily News, throws several buckets of cold water on the fantasies about Al Gore running for president again. He points out that these fantasies that surface now and again these days are dangerous for the Democrats for a number of very good reasons.

Sens. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are first and second in national party polls for good reason: Clinton has the track record, money, field operation and star power and Obama has the energy, charisma and freshness. It escapes me how Gore would be more attractive than either or both in a general election.

One poll had Gore at 14%, in third place, ahead of John Edwards. That seems pretty good for a guy not running, until you remember that 14% is about where Newt Gingrich is among Republicans, and nobody thinks he's going to be President.

The Gore Fantasy is an example of the Democratic ritual of eating their own, of indulging in bickering and second-guessing until defeat has been secured. The habit was on full display in Friday's House vote on ending the war in Iraq. Despite promises to bring the troops home and blistering attacks on the GOP "culture of corruption," Speaker Nancy Pelosi's team openly bought votes by promising tens of millions of dollars in wasteful subsidies for dairy farmers, spinach producers and peanut businesses. Hard-line liberals were fighting ultrahard-line liberals.

After all that, the bill, which continues war funding even as it requires withdrawal by September 2008, got the barest possible majority, 218 votes. It will not pass the Senate and, even if it does, Bush would veto it. That means Dems eventually will have to vote for a "clean" funding bill or be guilty of defunding our troops in battle. If Friday's vote was victory, it's hard to imagine what defeat would look like.

A Gore candidacy would be extremely amusing for a lot of people. Because it would be exactly like playing Whack-A-Mole. But Gore could not win the general election. The Democrats, I think, are in real trouble as a result of the vote in the House on Friday as it is. An attempt by Gore to run again would sink the entire party in short order.

On second thought, run, Al, run!

Klepto-Rodent

A Maine man is engaged in a battle of wits with a mouse. So far, the mouse is well ahead on points. After the man captured the mouse - on three separate occasions, mind you - the mouse was able to escape unharmed. After the last daring breakout, the mouse also took along a souvenir.

The man's dentures.

(Bill) Exner, 68, said he and his wife Shirley scoured his bedroom after the dentures disappeared from his night stand.

"We moved the bed, moved the dressers and the night stand and tore the closet apart," he said. "I said, 'I knew that little stinker stole my teeth' — I just knew it."

They found a small opening in a wall where they suspected the mouse was coming and going, and their daughter's fiance, Eric Holt, stepped in to help.

"He brought a crowbar and hammer and he sawed off a section of wood and pulled up the molding and everything," Exner said. "It was quite a job."

They retrieved the dentures, and Holt suggested his future father-in-law boil them in peroxide and whatever else he could find for to disinfect it.

So, to retrieve the teeth, they had to demolish part of their home. Offhand, it appears to be time to take a completely different approach to the problem. We'd suggest that the couple try adopting the ravaging rodent before it ransacks again. Just start feeding it pet food.

Wrong Headline

There is a story in the Washington Post this morning about the hunt for our very favorite mythical creature in the whole world. Well, except for mermaids. But the complete waste of time, money and effort hunt for the extinct Ivory-Billed Woodpecker has expanded into Texas! But they must be planning for success; they brought kayaks again!

Campbell and a pair of companions in similar kayaks have been on a tedious winter-long canvass of Texas' famed Big Thicket, an often impenetrable jungle of swamps choked with thorny vines and prodigious pine and cedar trees, in pursuit of the ivory-billed woodpecker.

The bird, at 20 inches with a nearly three-foot wingspan, is the third-largest woodpecker in the world and the biggest woodpecker north of Mexico.

The first sighting in generations was made by Gene Sparling in Arkansas on Feb. 11, 2004, and has spawned interest across the South. Biologists converged on the Arkansas bayou area of the sighting and subsequently captured a 4-second video of what they said was an ivory-billed. Just this month, however, a Scottish scientist, in a British biology journal article, said identification of the bird from the video couldn't be certain.

The last East Texas sighting of an ivory-billed was more than a century ago _ in 1904.

"There's a lot of doubters out there that this bird does exist," said Campbell, from Emmaus, Pa. "I believe it exists."

It is nice to have something to believe in, isn't it? We suggest switching to a hunt for the Easter Bunny. You could use your kayak and get candy if the hunt is successful, too. Bonus! Seriously, folks, this is starting to border on a Bigfoot fixation at this point. The only "proof" of a sighting is heavily questions and the "sighting" was used to block a Federal project. Occam's Razor says this is a hoax. Go for the Easter Bunny. The chow is better.

Espionage Show Trial By Iran?

The Times of London is reporting that some folks associated with Mad Mahmoud Ahmadinejad have announced that the 15 British Sailors that were captured by Iran - in Iraqi territorial waters - may be tried for espionage.

FIFTEEN British sailors and marines arrested by Iran’s Revolutionary Guards off the coast of Iraq may be charged with spying.

A website run by associates of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Iranian president, reported last night that the Britons would be put before a court and indicted.

Referring to them as “insurgents”, the site concluded: “If it is proven that they deliberately entered Iranian territory, they will be charged with espionage. If that is proven, they can expect a very serious penalty since according to Iranian law, espionage is one of the most serious offences.”

The warning followed claims by Iranian officials that the British navy personnel had been taken to Tehran, the capital, to explain their “aggressive action” in entering Iranian waters. British officials insist the servicemen were in Iraqi waters when they were held.

The penalty for espionage in Iran is death. However, similar accusations of spying were made when eight British servicemen were detained in the same area in 2004. They were paraded blindfolded on television but did not appear in court and were freed after three nights in detention.

As Ed Morrisey points out this morning, this is a clear and blatant violation of the Geneva Conventions. Period. The Western left screeches and shouts about America and Israel supposedly violating the conventions even when the conventions clearly state that the terrorists that both nations are fighting are illegal combatants and therefore excluded from protection under the conventions. Where is the same screeching level of outrage over a very clear violation of the rules by the nation of Iran against legally uniformed armed forces of a Western nation?

Damn. Those crickets are loud.