The Mad Killer Of Harthill

The sleepy little English village of Harthill with Woodall is living with terror these days. A mad killer is stalking the area. So far, the beast has beheaded over 5,000 victims. No, really. The daffodils are all dead.

For years Peter Dungworth painstakingly planted thousands of daffodil bulbs in the hope of one day leading his village to a Britain in Bloom award.

But just days before he was due to welcome judges to view this year's entry he awoke to find each and every flower had been deliberately beheaded.

Now police have launched an investigation amid claims that mean-spirited saboteurs from a rival village may have crept in under the cover of darkness.

Mr Dungworth, a retired salesman, claims the perpetrators deliberately used secateurs in a bid to scupper the village's chances of winning the competition.

The father of two said: "I planted the daffodils over the last few years, doing a stretch at a time and I reckon it has cost me about £500 to buy all the bulbs.

"I didn't plant them with the competition in mind, I just wanted to brighten up the grass verges near my home.

"You could say it was a labour of love because I am a keen gardener and I have enjoyed seeing them flower over the years."

Harthill has been around since before the Norman conquest and is one of the places mentioned in the Domesday book that cataloged all of William the Bastard's conquered territory. (Oh, sure, he called himself "The Conqueror" after winning at Hastings, but he was known by the other moniker prior to that). We here at Blue Crab Boulevard point out that the daffodils are just the beginning. Just wait until the wheat starts being decapitated later in the summer. That's when residents of Harthill with Woodall will realize that they are dealing with a cereal killer.