Quick! Call A Surgeon!

The Suwannee sturgeons are attacking jet skiers again. Or should we say, still. Yes, last year we mangled Stephen Foster when reporting about the amphibious airborne assaults of the savage Suwannee sturgeons. We still refuse to use "Like a Sturgeon", however. If anything, Madonna is even creepier this year what with her sudden fascination with her baby collection.

Sharon Touchton, 50, of St. Petersburg, had serious injuries, but she was later discharged from a hospital after the March 31 accident, officials said.

She had been camping with a group of personal watercraft enthusiasts near the town of Suwannee in north Florida, said Karen Parker with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. The group went for a ride and Touchton was traveling 25 to 30 mph before the accident.

Touchton's husband was the first to come up behind her after the accident and found her floating face-down in the water. No one else saw the collision, so it was initially unclear what had happened.

Parker said once Touchton was able to talk to investigators, she simply said something about a "big fish."

We'd like to point out that she had just been the victim of a strafing run by an armor-plated, prehistoric, aerial fish, so she forgot to mention the aerial part. At this point, the Kamikaze sturgeon attacks on the Suwannee are getting right out of hand. So much so that the US Navy has stepped in to help. We have exclusive pictures of the finest naval force in the world today engaging the suicide squadrons of evil sturgeon on the Suwannee.