Alligator Invasion Continues
Authorities in Huntinton, New York have captured one of the scouts for the invasion by the reptile legions of the Animal Uprising™. That's right, they are already on Long Island. They're moving fast this year.
It was a startling sight on Saturday in a community just 35 miles from Manhattan. The American alligator is native to the South and it is against New York law to own one, said Ray Gross, chief of the Suffolk County Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.
Green with yellowish stripes and roughly 2 feet long, the animal appeared to be about 3 years old, Gross said.
County police helped capture the alligator, which "wasn't too happy to see us," said Officer Vinny O'Shaughnessy.
"We were incredulous at first, but then we knew that we had to do something about it," he said.
We here at Blue Crab Boulevard feel that it is our civic duty to remind people of the tricks the alligators routinely use to capture unsuspecting suburbanites. They have been known to bait traps with newspapers. This is a particularly effective technique that they have used repeatedly. They have also disguised themselves as doormats, gift wrapped themselves at Christmas, pretended to be luggage and even been known to camouflage themselves as golf balls. The best defense being a good offense, we strongly recommend carrying a large baseball bat and whacking your doormats, luggage and anything else of a suspicious nature prior to use to ensure there are no hidden gators. Encourage your neighbors to do the same. Maybe your neighbors will still talk to you after you do, ours have been standoffish lately for some reason. We suspect they are a bit overawed by our obvious expertise in these matters.
By feeblemind, Sunday, 22 April , 2007 @ 6:25 pm
What? No mention of Global Warming being the cause here? I thought I would read that at the rate the earth is heating up, alligayors are now indigenous to New York.