The Starbucks Option

Sometimes, political disagreements get rather heated. The rhetoric can escalate and names can be called. As a last resort, political opponents can reach into their bag of tricks and pull out the dreaded Starbucks option. That's where they beat the living heck out of an opponent with a coffee mug.

KEY CENTER, Wash. - A local fire commissioner was charged with assaulting a fellow commissioner with a coffee mug, the latest outbreak in a feud that a sheriff's spokesman says needs to end "before someone gets killed."

The commissioners, 71-year-old Allen Yanity and 64-year-old Jim Bosch, both of Lakebay, got into a heated exchange Tuesday during a break in a meeting as they were standing with their wives, sheriff's Detective Ed Troyer said.

Yanity bashed Bosch repeatedly on the head with a coffee mug, Troyer said. A cut on Bosch's head required staples to close, prosecutors said.

Yanity said he didn't know exactly what happened during the struggle but that he might have hit Bosch with a coffee mug, according to prosecutors.

Yanity, elected to the Fire Protection District 16 panel last year, has accused Bosch of trying to force him off the commission by extortion. Bosch, first elected in 1998, has accused Yanity of harassing and intimidating him.

"They need to figure out how to get their organization in order," Troyer told the News Tribune of Tacoma. "We want this stopped before someone gets killed."

Someone needs an anger management class. And a lot less caffeine. A Styrofoam cup is also a really good idea.

Very Slim Majority Votes To Surrender

A slim majority of the US House of Representatives, sniffing after $20-plus billion in fresh steaming chunks of raw pork, have voted to pass a bill that will be vetoed by the President. Two - exactly two - Republicans joined in the surrender-fest.

13 Democrats refused the poisoned bait.

The 218-208 vote came as the top U.S. commander in Iraq told lawmakers the country remained gripped by violence but was showing some signs of improvement.

Passage puts the bill on track to clear Congress by week's end and arrive on the president's desk in coming days as the first binding congressional challenge to Bush's handling of the conflict now in its fifth year.

"Our troops are mired in a civil war with no clear enemy and no clear strategy for success," said House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer.

Republicans promised to stand squarely behind the president in rejecting what they called a "surrender date" handed to the enemy.

"Al-Qaida will view this as the day the House of Representatives threw in the towel," said Rep. Jerry Lewis of California, ranking Republican on the House Appropriations Committee.

The $124.2 billion bill would fund the war, among other things, but demand troop withdrawals begin on Oct. 1 or sooner if the Iraqi government does not meet certain benchmarks. The bill sets a nonbinding goal of completing the troop pull out by April 1, 2008, allowing for forces conducting certain noncombat missions, such as attacking terrorist networks or training Iraqi forces, to remain.

Two Republicans — Reps. Wayne Gilchrest of Maryland and Walter Jones of North Carolina — joined 216 Democrats in passing the bill. Voting no were 195 Republicans and 13 Democrats.

So, the Congressional "leaders" of the majority party have their show victory. And the bill will be vetoed. And then they will quietly pass the real spending bill they really intended to pass all along. The pundits will fume, the left will screech and the bottom line will emerge: The Democrats do not have the guts to cut the funds for the troops in the field. Because it would be the end of them as a political party. But that will not stop the Reid-Pelosi regime from trying to lose the war for the nation. Not the other party. The nation. Political parties do not win or lose wars. Nations win or lose wars.

The Silence Of The Lambs Left

Odd, isn't it? Much screeching, wailing and gnashing of teeth (not to mention spittle-drenched computer monitors) from the left about the need for immediate and radical gun control whenever a psycho goes mad - as happened at Virginia Tech. But not one, single word - not one - if the psycho happens to threaten a Republican.

LAS VEGAS - A man accused of threatening a Nevada Republican Party official with a rifle was arrested Tuesday in a vehicle in which police found swords, knives, a shotgun, shells and a flare gun, authorities said.

Matthew Hunter Kramer, 31, did not resist officers who arrested him on a warrant issued after the April 3 confrontation at state Republican Party offices in Las Vegas. It wasn't clear why he was not arrested earlier.

Zachary Moyle, executive director of the state GOP, told The Associated Press on Tuesday that Kramer invited him to look at something in the trunk of his Mercedes before pulling out a rifle, pointing it at his face and warning that he would be back if President Bush vetoed an emergency war spending bill being considered by Congress.

….

Kramer also removed photos of Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney from the wall of the office and threatened to harm staff members, Moyle said. Kramer left his cell phone number with office staff before leaving, police said.

He is charged with criminal syndicalism, assault with a deadly weapon and aiming a firearm at a person, police Officer Martin Wright said.

Criminal syndicalism makes it a crime to advocate sabotage, violence or terrorism to accomplish industrial or political reform……

There are people who will react to extreme rhetoric in an extreme fashion. It is important to remember that.

People, People Who Need ……Fabric Upholstery

Britain is bracing for a concert tour by Barbara Streisand. But I really am not sure if they are ready for what is about to hit them. The Daily Mail is incredulous at the demands that Streisand has in her "tour rider ", but they only looked at a few things. It actually gets worse.

The legendary singer, who turned 65 this week, is lined up to play a series of gigs at the Millenium Dome now called The O2 Venue in July, with tickets expected to be priced at a staggering £200 a time.

Her return which is expected to become a sell-out within minutes of the tickets going on sale, is likely to be a memorable night - but spare a thought for the staff who will charged with attending to her exacting demands, which could set new standards for diva like on British shores.

When she appeared in Philadelphia to relaunch her live career in September, she insisted on a police dog unit sweeping the auditorium before her sound check, not to mention metal detectors at every door.

The so-called 'rider' which contains all her back-stage requirements from the US gig, which was posted on an American website, included astonishingly detailed information down to the detail of the upholstery on the sofas.

Streisand, who has recorded over 60 albums and her team required five living room sets - fabric covered - "no vinyl please", ten floor lamps "Torchierre style", 35 folding banquet tables and 150 folding chairs.

There was also detailed information about the number and type of locks on the doors, although organisers at the venue were warned that her production team would also need 120 bath sized towels "immediately upon arrival". (Ed Note: Apparently, she travels with 1/3 of  the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Who knew?)

But, as I said, it actually gets worse. Worse even than the hygienically challenged Sheryl Crow's big, old carbon generating tours. Because Streisand makes Crow look like a complete amateur. No Kidding . 

Thirteen - or fourteen - semis. Four vans. Fourteen buses. And a limo. Hello, carbon factory! I cannot wait for Babs to lecture about global warming! I wonder if she'll demand a latte as well. Or if it will be provided free of charge. 

Hiding The Truth

Well, Lou Dobbs should be getting scads of screeching hate mail just about now by my watch. Because, you see, he dares to call out the mainstream media for their all-out effort to push their agenda on illegal immigrants by playing with the language.

NEW YORK (CNN) — The Bush administration and the leadership of the Democratic Party are preparing to take another legislative leap at imposing a massive illegal alien amnesty on American citizens.

And the mainstream media are complicit in advancing this thinly veiled blanket amnesty. Instead of asking and answering important questions about why our immigration laws aren't being enforced and why we're permitting pervasive document fraud, the national media seem hell-bent on trying to obfuscate the issue, shamelessly playing with language, equating legal immigration with illegal immigration while obviously trying to preserve the illusion of objectivity.

Too often, the language of the national media describes illegal immigration as "migration" and illegal aliens as "undocumented immigrants," even though many of them have lots of documents, most of which are fraudulent or stolen. Some media outlets have taken to calling illegal aliens "entrants." Whether such language is meant to engender sympathy or to intentionally blur the distinction between legal and illegal, the mainstream media are taking sides in this debate.

The Arizona Republic, for example, used "undocumented immigrant" more than 80 times in 36 separate stories in the past month alone; the term appeared as many as 12 times in one article on "migration," according to our Lexis-Nexis search. At the same time, "illegal alien" appeared a total of only nine times during that span, with seven of the references coming from readers' opinions, one from a quotation and one from an editorial.

The mainstream media report as if America would no longer be a welcoming nation if we stopped illegal immigration. Nothing could be further from the truth. Why do the national media conveniently and routinely neglect to report that the United States brings in more lawful immigrants than the countries of the rest of the world combined? Each year, we accept 2 million immigrants legally. We give a million legal immigrants permanent residency every year. We bestow citizenship on 700,000 people a year and provide almost half a million work-related visas a year.

Dobbs point here is that if there is to be a debate about illegal immigrants, it has to be an honest one. Not one filled with newspeak euphemisms. Dobbs presents a lot of good reasons why this debate needs - desperately - to take place openly and honestly. Not with agenda-driven camouflage language. The facts are that a flood of unskilled labor into the country hurts the most vulnerable Americans. It hurts our own, fellow citizens more than anything else. And that needs to be addressed first, before any amnesty plan. 

Sure Signs That Your Dentist May Not Be Qualified

There are a couple of warning signs that should warn you that your dentist may not actually be a dentist. Filthy office, no diplomas on the walls, that sort of thing. However, a surefire giveaway would be seeing a tire iron among his instruments.

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - A man was held Wednesday on charges that he performed dental work on customers without a license in his "filthy" garage, authorities said. Roger Bean, 60, was arrested Tuesday and held on $6,000 bond.

Bean performed denture fittings and made false teeth in his garage, charging just $200 for a full set of dentures, a procedure that typically costs more than $2,000, authorities said. But he was not licensed to practice in Florida.

Palm Beach County Sheriff's detective Don Zumpano said there were "health risks with operating this type of facility outside of your house," adding that Bean's workspace was "filthy."

I guess that means that the discount brain surgeon working out of the back of a Toyota is right out, no matter how big a discount he offers. 

Shopping For Home Furnishings

This is a very bad sign. The Animal Uprising™ appears to be getting so sure of its eventual victory over humanity that some of their minions are already shopping for home furnihsings that they will presumably need when they take over the houses from former human occupants. That's right, coyotes are shopping for mattresses.

KANSAS CITY, Mo. - Jim Haskell says the Select Comfort store he manages in northern Kansas City keeps its front doors open to encourage customers to come in. And that's not going to change just because a coyote wanders in.

The coyote, described as tall and skinny at 40 to 45 pounds, sauntered into the Select Comfort store at the Shops at Boardwalk open-air mall Sunday afternoon.

"We were just kind of shocked," said employee Melissa Bogatch, who was in the store with one other employee and two customers.

The shock quickly faded when she realized the coyote was nervous. It cowered in a corner, then hid under several mattresses, she said.

Police who were called to the store summoned the Missouri Department of Conservation. Two agents subdued and snared the coyote, then carted it away to be released in countryside near Kansas City International Airport.

First it was coyotes in a sub shop, now a mattress store. (What is a coyote's sleep number, anyway?)

Okay, Granny. Hand Over Your Doe.

Three deer rampaged through a Pennsylvania nursing home looking to rob the elderly residents. During the tour through the facility, one of the deer molested an employee. Well, that's what the article says:

The deer ran down hallways, and one rubbed up against an employee, until one jumped out a window and the other two were herded out a door.

"I saw one of the deer after it had exited because it came around to the main entrance of the building outside a window where I was in a meeting at the time," Burnham. "I didn't know (at the time) that it had already taken the tour."

Aside from the broken window, the deer did not cause much damage.

That's only because they didn't find the stash of canasta winnings. We now have to watch out for the deer committing elder abuse. The Animal Uprising™ has no shame. We strongly urge the nation's nursing home immediately set spring snare traps in front of all the windows at their facilities. Oh sure, once in a while you'll catch a patient, but they learn fast.

The Magic Of The Theater Explained At Yale

We here at Blue Crab Boulevard managed to get a copy of a memo sent to the drama department by Yale Dean of Student Affairs, Betty Trachtenberg detailing the new administration-mandated disclaimer that must be read before the performance of any play.

To: Yale Drama Department

From: The office of Betty Trachtenberg, Dean of Student Affairs

Subject: Official Disclaimer

The administration of Yale, having seen fit to overturn my decision to ban all prop weapons from student theatrical productions (other than those purple plastic pirate swords I found at Wal-Mart) has asked me instead to provide a disclaimer to be read before the start of each performance of any play. It is direction of the administration that this disclaimer must be read to the audience. It is not mandatory at this time that you then test the audience to see if they understand the disclaimer, but we are working on that requirement.

Disclaimer of Theatrical Plays

It is vitally important to the administration of Yale that all persons attending theatrical productions put on by the drama department understand the following. Please pay attention, this is really important.

The use of prop weapons may be required in this production. A prop weapon is one that looks like a real weapon but is not. For example, a sword used in the production may look quite real, but will have a blunted edge. That is not to say that the prop sword is not still dangerous. It must be treated with great care and responsibility by the actor wielding it. If you see a production which involves the use of a prop sword, it is extremely important that you not abuse the right to watch the play by emulating the actions you see on the stage when you return to your dormitory.

In the case of prop guns, the weapon, if fired, is only shooting a blank. A blank cartridge is one which has a powder charge, but no bullet. In rare cases, a wad, used to hold the powder charge in place may be ejected from the barrel when the weapon is fired. This can cause injury and we discourage this practice. Under no circumstance should an audience member leave the theater thinking that the shooting of blanks is acceptable to the Dean of Student Affairs.

It is extremely important that you realize that if a cast member "dies" during a play that the cast member is not actually dead. The cast member is "acting". Similarly, they are not actually hurt or sick or dying or diseased or happy or sad or anything else during the performance of the play. They are actors and they are acting. Please remember that at all times.

A note about scenery: Despite the enormous efforts of the crew of the theatrical production you are about to see, every place depicted on the stage is actually a "set." Well done sets may make the audience think they are seeing a dungeon or a palace, but the audience must not fall for it. You are actually still in a theater.

Props: If a character in a play supposedly takes a drink from a cup, the cup does not actually contain any liquid. This is particularly true if the cup is supposed to contain alcohol. We here at Yale forbid the consumption of alcohol by actors on stage. So, again, don't be fooled by this.

A final note on the characters in the play. The actors in the theatrical production you are about to see are portraying characters in a play. They are not actually the people they are pretending to be. Please do not be confused by this. This is why you can see an actor in one play act the part of a good person and see another play in which the same actor portrays a bad person. This is possible because the actor isn't actually the character. And they are not really saying all those words spontaneously, either. They are actually reciting a memorized script written by somebody else. Isn't it fun how that works?

Now, relax and enjoy your magical theatrical experience.

See Ram. Dodge Ram, Dodge

A Wyoming woman is telling people in her hometown to baaaack off. She says it's nobody else's business if she keeps her goat. In her minivan.

Despite protests from some residents, city animal control officer Ray Buhr said Weidt isn't violating any laws or treating the animal cruelly.

"The van is kept clean," Buhr said. "We've checked several times. There's really nothing in ordinances or state statutes that says she can't do that. The goat is entirely happy in there."

Weidt said it's "nobody's business" if she keeps her goat in a van. The goat is in the van so it won't escape, she said.

Beverly Saxton, who lives near property Weidt owns, thinks keeping the goat in the minivan is cruel.

"A farm animal should have the opportunity to graze and exercise," Saxton said. "When it's trapped in a van, it doesn't have those possibilities. That's not an environment for an animal. That's hideous."

Other residents have voiced similar concerns about the goat.

Buhr said he doesn't like the goat being in the van either, but he said the animal has food and water, and the back seats have been removed for more room.

Wait a minute. You mean goats are not standard equipment in a Dodge Ram? That lying, good-for-nothing salesman. What do I do with Billy, now? 

Backwards

John Stossel points out that the environmental alarmists have it backwards . Technology is not the villain in the modern world - it is the salvation of the modern world. He slams the three basic drivers of the environmental movement pretty hard.

John Semmens of Arizona's Laissez Faire Institute points out that Earth Day misses an important point. In the April issue of The Freeman magazine, Semmens says the environmental movement overlooks how hospitable the earth has become — thanks to technology. "The environmental alarmists have it backwards. If anything imperils the earth it is ignorant obstruction of science and progress. … That technology provides the best option for serving human wants and conserving the environment should be evident in the progress made in environmental improvement in the United States. Virtually every measure shows that pollution is headed downward and that nature is making a comeback." (Carbon dioxide excepted, if it is really a pollutant.)

Semmens describes his visit to historic Lexington and Concord in Massachusetts, an area "lush with trees and greenery." It wasn't always that way. In 1775, the land was cleared so it could be farmed. Today, technology makes farmers so efficient that only a fraction of the land is needed to produce much more food. As a result, "Massachusetts farmland has been allowed to revert back to forest."

Human ingenuity and technology not only raised living standards, but also restored environmental amenities. How about a day to celebrate that?

I remember the breathless coverage of the very first Earth Day and Walter Conkrite sonorously intoning that it looked unlikely that mankind would survive the next decade. Yeesh. (Can't get the quote of that, but found this gem : "Cronkite: "Good evening. A unique day in American history is ending: a day set aside for a nationwide outpouring of mankind seeking its own survival..")  Anyway, back to Stossel:

Yet, Semmens writes, the environmental movement is skeptical about technology and is attracted to three dubious principles: sustainable development, the precautionary principle, and stakeholder participation.

Stossel cheerfully dismembers each of the dubious ideas in detail. I'd recommend reading the whole thing. I have pointed out that the EPA's own published data shows that pollution of all types has declined by about 1/3 since 1970, despite the population increasing by millions and millions. Is it a good idea to protect the environment? Sure. Is it important to keep it in perspective and not worship the earth as some kind of fetish? Yup. 

Baa, Baa, Baa

Apparently, someone with a tiny bit more wisdom stepped in at Yale and has lifted the ban on realistic prop weapons in stage productions at plays put on by the drama department. If you hadn't already heard about this, the Dean of Student Affairs, Betty Trachtenberg, took the "loco" part of "loco parentis" quite literally and decreed that prop weapons could no longer be used unless they were obvious fakes. This was her "enlightened" response to the tragedy at Virginia Tech. (We suggested substituting raw vegetables and calling the props "Trachtenberg Night Specials " in honor of the demented dean.) But someone in the authority chain at Yale has now stepped in and lifted the ban. Unfortunately, they substituted something nearly as silly. There will now be a disclaimer before every performance that informs people that prop weapons will be used in a production . 

Stage weapons will again be allowed in University theatrical productions, in a reversal of last week's ban, Yale spokeswoman Helaine Klasky said Tuesday morning.

Administrators decided Monday afternoon to require that audiences instead be informed of the use of stage weapons before the start of every performance, she said. In the wake of the Virginia Tech massacre, which left 33 students dead last Monday, Dean of Student Affairs Betty Trachtenberg had told students that they would be required to substitute obviously fake props for realistic stage weapons in theatrical productions.

Klasky said the University reversed the policy because of concerns about free speech.

Ah yes, let's call it a free speech issue. Then we don't have to actually admit it was a stupid, shallow, infantile and pointless response to real tragic events. Everybody's a winner! Except Trachtenberg:

"I think people should start thinking about other people rather than trying to feel sorry for themselves and thinking that the administration is trying to thwart their creativity," Trachtenberg said. "They're not using their own intelligence. … We have to think of the people who might be affected by seeing real-life weapons."

Apparently she believes that even seeing a prop weapon is enough to send a Yalie off on a rampage. She obviously has a high opinion of her charges at the school. Trachtenberg is leaving Yale at the end of the school year. There is no word whether she was leaving before this incident. One wonders if Yale will also mandate the disclaimers before the airing of any movies shown on the campus. Yalies appear to need to be told to separate theater from reality. Well, the administration does, anyway.