Or rather, riding IN the Typhoon. Telegraph reporter Adam Lusher draws the assignment of taking a ride in the newest British fighter aircraft, the Typhoon (aka Eurofighter). The long-delayed joint project by Britain, Germany, Italy and Spain is almost ready to go operational. That is, if they can get a gun for it. Or rather, get a way to load the gun. There is a 27mm cannon in the Typhoon. As ballast. There is no loading mechanism or ammunition. The RAF, understandably, wants that fixed.
Some joker has got his hands on of one of our aircraft. Unfortunately, that joker is me. I am at 36,000ft in an RAF Typhoon (aka the Eurofighter, cost £66.7 million), "flying" the result of Britain's most expensive and probably most controversial weapons project at almost the speed of sound above an unsuspecting part of Lincolnshire.
What is truly alarming is not the speed or the altitude or the cost, or even that I have just been asked to execute a turn, but the fact that to grip the control column, I have to detach at least one hand from the sick bag I am clutching to my chest.
My single-handed wobbling of the stick isn't the "right stuff" either. "Normally," muses Group Captain Al Mackay from the seat in front of me, "we would pull more than 1.1G – given that 1G is what pilots experience when they are sitting on the ground."
The head of 29 Squadron retakes control for another "gentle turn". An invisible hand clamps me to my seat, then hurls me through the sky. Resistance is useless. Because I can't lift my arms. And there's insufficient air in my lungs to beg for mercy. An alarmingly calm voice promises: "That was about 3.5G. Of course, we regularly use 7 to 8G."
I knew I risked a rough ride with this aircraft, but then the Typhoon has had a pretty rough ride itself. Even when it was still just the "The Eurofighter", it was being derided as a "Cold War relic" – useful if the Soviet Union were to rise from the dead and send MiGs swarming into air-to-air dogfights over central Europe, but useless for supporting ground troops in today's battle against insurgents in the Afghan mountains.
Lusher has an amusing, self-depreciating writing style that makes the article quite fun to read. For example: "Quite why The Sunday Telegraph's most fearful flyer was chosen to be "informed" is another matter. Suffice to say that newsroom politics can get quite brutal." The article does provide a lot of background on the issue and is admittedly an attempt by the RAF to educate the public on the Typhoon. But next time, pick me to ride in the plane! I promise I'll write a very nice review. After I finish with the sick bag.
No operable gun, eh? Did the designers/engineers simply get the plane to fly, then declare, “Ta-DA! Done!”? A warplane without a cannon. Hmm. Sounds like something the Democrats would advocate. “Arms are for hugging,” and all that jazz.