The Ultimate Repellent

Increasingly frustrated by "animal protection" laws that put the welfare of animals above the welfare of the people who pay the salaries of the people making the laws, British homeowners are turning to a natural solution. Really natural. The laws forbid them from removing bird nests from their property even if said bird nests are causing structural problems in their homes. So they have started spreading lion and tiger dung on their roofs.

"We get many requests for people to come in and take lion or tiger dung to help scare away predators, birds and other pests," said Gary Gilmour, manager of Blair Drummond Safari Park near the southern Scottish city of Stirling.

Gilmour said homeowners are resorting to the measure because animal protection laws forbid them from removing or damaging nests.

"It might seem unusual but it seems to get results," the park manager added.

Kwik-Fit Insurance said claims for damage caused by bird nesting were common among its customers.

"Many homes suffer from structural deterioration each year from nesting birds which can lead to million of pounds (dollars) of damage," Kwik-Fit managing director Martin Oliver said.

We here at Blue Crab Boulevard have also found that dung on the roof helps keep the neighbors away. So there are actually multiple benefits to a crappy roofing job!

(No charge for the groans, folks! We're magnanimous that way.)