Rise Of The Machines
Oh, just great. As if we here at Blue Crab Boulevard don't have enough to do attempting to chronicle the Animal Uprising™. One thankless task that has brought numerous restraining orders and all those visits from the nice man from the health department isn't enough. Oh, no. Now we're going to have to start covering the devious schemes of the machines, too. Life is just not fair. But we feel it is our duty to tell everyone that what started out as a prank has taken an ugly turn.
Yes, we regret to inform you that your satellite navigation system is trying to kill you.
A Motorist leapt clear of her car with moments to spare after a satellite-navigation system led her into the path of a speeding train.
Paula Ceely watched in horror as the locomotive ploughed into her Renault Clio at over 60mph, then shunted the car half a mile down the track.
Recalling her lucky escape yesterday, the 20-year-old vowed never to rely on satnav instructions again.
Miss Ceely, from Redditch, Worcestershire, was on her way to see boyfriend Tom Finucane, who lives 150 miles away in the village of Hebron, Carmarthenshire, when the drama happened.
Having never been to his house before, she borrowed Mr Finucane's satnav device to direct her there.
She was only a few miles from her destination when she was directed into a country lane as night fell.
She said: 'I thought "The satnav knows where it's going" so I just followed the directions it was giving me. I drove up to a large metal gate but the satnav insisted it was the correct way so I opened it and drove through.'
When she left the car to close the gate she heard the sound of a train's horn and looked down to see she was standing on a railway track.
Sure, it started with sending German pensioners off into sand piles. Then it was sending drivers into public toilets - car and all. Pretty funny. But it has now turned lethal. The machines are trying to kill you! Skynet is here now! And we're pretty sure our computer is watching us. Remember our warning - act before it's too late and they cut off all Communicashun comuniiiictrat communication…..Whueuro nn bltzflk didstmnne 334h9mm &&&839a jj……………………..
By Blackhawk, Thursday, 10 May , 2007 @ 8:09 pm
I can personally attest to the uncanny, and unnerving, sentience of these devices. On a recent trip, my GPS kept trying to route me through a major city instead of around it. And once past the city, it kept sending me down two-lane twisties instead of four-lane roads in revenge. I swear, it actually rolled it’s eyes and sighed, saying “recalculatingâ€, “recalculatingâ€, “recalculatingâ€, “take next left on Shaddy Lane dead end roadâ€, “ignore the headless horseman galloping along sideâ€, “speed limits are for losersâ€.
And arguing with your GPS only earns you another “sigh, recalculatingâ€, “recalculatingâ€, “you really don’t know where you are, do youâ€, “why don’t you pull over and ask someone ELSE for directionsâ€, “recalculatingâ€. And strange looks from other drivers.
I think I’ll sprinkle holy water on it before using it again.
By Purple Avenger, Thursday, 10 May , 2007 @ 8:16 pm
It all started about 10-15 years ago with cars that talked to you. The only sure cure anymore is a pair of diagonal cutters.
By Bleepless, Thursday, 10 May , 2007 @ 8:26 pm
I dearly love science fiction, but I prefer that most of it remain fictional. Please. Pretty please.
By Purple Avenger, Thursday, 10 May , 2007 @ 10:10 pm
Sounds like it needs a vigorous “talking to” with a 5lb sledge Blackhawk ;->
By skh.pcola, Friday, 11 May , 2007 @ 9:48 am
This chick should have her license revoked posthaste. She’s too stupid to be driving.