“Freeze! Step Away From The Cream Puff!”

The British police actually said something close to that fictitious quote when they actually arrested a child for throwing a "cream bun" at a bus. Now, is that offense better or worse on the scale of British justice than being found in possession of an egg with intent to throw? Or throwing a slice of cucumber removed from a sandwich at a student?

Sorry, trick question. ALL of the above are offenses that will get you arrested in Britain these days. And ever so many others, each more ludicrous than the next.

Police officers are being forced to make "ludicrous" arrests in an attempt to hit Home Office targets, it has been claimed.

Ridiculous examples include the case of a Cheshire man who was cautioned for being "found in possession of an egg with intent to throw".

And in Kent, a child was arrested for throwing a slice of cucumber from a tuna sandwich at another youngster.

Now the Police Federation, which represents rank-andfile officers, has called on the Government to reverse the target-chasing culture.

It says the pressure to meet performance indicators is compelling many officers to "criminalise" Middle England.

The issue will be debated at the organisation's Blackpool conference this week.

Officers will discuss whether judging them on how many arrests, cautions or onthespot fines they deliver is making a mockery of the criminal justice system.

A spokesman for the organisation, which represents 130,000 frontline staff in England and Wales, said the power to use discretion should be returned to the officers on the beat.

"We have got into the situation where everyone is so busy chasing targets and securing ticks in boxes we are on the verge of distancing ourselves from Middle England," he said.

"The cases we have compiled show incidents where an officer has been under such pressure to deliver it has resulted in an arrest or caution when even the officer themselves thinks it is ludicrous.

The problem with this kind of overzealous chasing of target numbers is that after a while, people figure they are going to get popped for something stupid anyway. Why not make it worthwhile? It also teaches people who have never been in trouble with the law to deeply mistrust the police. Lose-lose. (This is completely different, incidentally, from the way Rudy Giuliani went after real low-level crimes in New York City. There the target was real, low-level criminal activities to send a message that bigger offenses would really draw heat. In Britain, it appears to be making things up out of the whole cloth. I'd like to see the statute on assault with a deadly cucumber. And yes, I'm sure they justified it somehow, but it really is asinine.)

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  By Chris, Tuesday, 15 May , 2007 @ 8:27 am

  What about pointed sticks?

Other Links to this Post

1. Blue Crab Boulevard » Cucumber Slices, Tick Boxes And Ultimate Failure — Tuesday, 15 May , 2007 @ 9:35 pm