First Class

In a troubling new twist to the Animal Uprising™, deer are now attempting to steal the United States Mail. Two of the enforcers for the animal overlords assaulted the US Post Office in Elgin, Illinois. One actually got inside, the other was chased off just before he got in, too.

ELGIN — Nature collided with civilization Thursday afternoon when a deer charged through and shattered a window at a west-side post office.

U.S. Postal Service worker Lisa Martin said there were about six customers in the Randall Road branch at 2:15 p.m. She was helping a customer at the front desk when she heard a loud crash of breaking glass. She walked around a corner and saw a customer getting mail out of his post office box — and a female deer, about the size of a Great Dane, standing in broken glass.

"She was scared. She just wanted a way out of here," Martin said of the deer, which left spots of blood in its wake. "She tried to climb up a couple of walls, trying to get out."

The doe circled the post office lobby for three or four minutes, looking for an escape. Customers seemed stunned, Martin said. She directed two women, standing near the deer, into an office, then called police.

"The customer held the front door open, and she went out," Martin said of the man closest to the post office boxes.

When the second deer approached the Post Office, an alert citizen chased it off. It is a good thing that Ms. Martin interrupted the first deer - if it had gotten into the post office boxes, there's no telling what havoc would have resulted. If the deer succeed in this nefarious scheme, millions of pieces of junk mail could go missing…… Hey, wait a second. That isn't a bad thing, is it?

Go Deer! We'll hold the door for you to get in!