A Heartwarming Update

On Gustav the flaccid, a German ostrich with some performance problems. (We first posted about Gustav here.) It seems that the great legal case against the teens who set off fireworks, allegedly leading to Gustav's dysfunctional state, has been settled.

BAUTZEN, Germany - Three German teenagers have been spared paying hefty damages after a court ruled it could not prove an ostrich farmer's claim that their festive firecrackers made one of his birds impotent.

Court proceedings in the eastern town of Bautzen ended Monday with a settlement that will see the three pay only euro140 ($188) in vet costs for Gustav the ostrich.

Farmer Rico Gabel had claimed euro5,000 ($6,730) in damages for the alleged antics on Dec. 27-29, 2005, of the three youths, aged 17-18. They were not identified by name.

The farmer claimed that fireworks set off by the boys made the previously lustful Gustav apathetic and depressed, and thus unable to perform for a half-a-year with his two female breeding partners.

As we understand it, Gustav's apathetic and depressed state came about when one of the female ostriches made a remark to him after seeing the fireworks set off: "You've never done that for me." Hell hath no fury like an unsatisfied ostrich.