Please, Spare Us. Please.

All we can do is pray that John Howard won't commit this horrible crime against humanity. One of the traditions at the annual Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) conference is that all of the visiting heads of state get dressed up in clothing that reflects the host country for a photo op. Which is a sort of fun, tongue-in-cheek thing that is generally harmless. But if this year's host, Australia, does what some folks are suggesting, we may get treated to a photo op of men wearing 'budgie smugglers'. Pray, people, pray.

Over the years the VIPs — including the US, Russian and Chinese presidents and a host of regional leaders — have been pictured in a range of bright Asian silks, Chilean ponchos and Canadian leather jackets.

Speculation over what the leaders will be asked to wear in down-to-earth, 'G'day mate' Australia has begun to preoccupy the chattering classes.

A popular guess is the rugged look of a classic Australian oilskin raincoat made famous in the movie "The Man from Snowy River," perhaps teamed with an Akubra hat, the Australian version of the cowboy hat.

That could fit with Prime Minister John Howard's pledge that the outfits to be worn by the likes of US President George W. Bush, Russia's Vladimir Putin and China's Hu Jintao would have "a distinctly Australian flavour."

But so could another classic Australian outfit suggested in the letters pages of The Australian newspaper Monday — the tiny, tight men's bathing briefs known here as "budgie smugglers," for obvious reasons.

One major point in favour of the budgie smuggler option in this surf-and-sand-crazed society would be that it is cheap.

The resort my family goes to down in Florida caters to a crowd that includes a very large population of Europeans. At any of the many pools around the place, it is really easy to spot these folks. Look for the elderly (and the years have been most unkind) 400 pound guy in a Speedo and his even larger wife in a string bikini. (I WISH I were making this up). Please, Australia, don't punish us like this.