The Endless Supply Of Squirrels
A Colorado resident is learning - the hard way - that you simply cannot get rid of squirrels. There is a limitless supply of the beasts being churned out by the overlords of the Animal Uprising™.
Rick Schulte is locked in battle with a neighbor who won’t give up and won’t go away.
Actually, Schulte is fighting dozens in Villa Loma Heights in northeast Colorado Springs.
One after another they take him on, only to fall into his trap.
Although Schulte is winning each battle, experts say he will lose the war. Schulte’s relentless enemy is the the bushy-tailed, garden-raiding, chattering tree squirrel.
“I’d prefer to have birds,” Schulte said. “I thought, maybe if I can reduce the threat a little bit, that would be my goal.”
Schulte started planning his assault last summer when squirrels cleaned the corn out of his 40-foot-by-10-foot backyard garden.
“It puzzled me how to protect my garden,” he said. “I got discouraged. I felt I was being eaten alive.”
He even debated strategy with a neighbor.
“We discussed defensive moves like scarecrows,” Schulte said. “But those are just ornaments to the squirrels. They are meaningless.”
So when spring arrived, Schulte, 65, a retired systems analyst at Shriever Air Force Base, bought a trap, loaded it with peanut butter blobs and set it in his yard.
“I usually catch one or two a day,” he said. “I take them about five miles from here and release them. I don’t hurt them.”
To his surprise, Schulte finds his program isn’t working.
“They just keep coming out of the woodwork,” he said. “These squirrels are indestructible.”
It's actually worse than that. The squirrels share a group mind and they have targeted Mr. Schulte for conquest and eventual assimilation. He'll be feeding the squirrels soon, we're sad to say. The squirrels, however, are not actually indestructible. An effective control plan, however, requires the extensive use of flamethrowers and would likely not endear Schulte to the neighbors. On the other hand, since we installed ours, the neighbors never get close enough to complain.
Other Links to this Post
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Blue Crab Boulevard » Nuts — Monday, 4 June , 2007 @ 2:33 pm
By Uncle Pinky, Monday, 4 June , 2007 @ 8:49 am
Mr. Schulte might want to set out large pots, cans of tomato, corn and lima beans.
The squirrel hive mind is not stupid and has learned, from the moment it acheived sentience, to fear two words:
Brunswick Stew.
By Sissy Willis, Monday, 4 June , 2007 @ 12:18 pm
Or he might want to set out large, fluffy gray cats:
He got him
By BlogDog, Monday, 4 June , 2007 @ 12:25 pm
How many times do I have to say it?
Skwerls
Are
Evil!