Angry Arsonists

Well, this should make everyone nervous. Long known as the suicide shock troops of the Animal Uprising™ due to their psychotic attacks on electrical power facilities, the squirrels have learned new skills. They are no longer content with causing power outages. Now they are lighting fires.

First item: A torched motorcycle.

An Israeli man has been indicted on arson charges for allegedly torching another man's motorbike because he wouldn't hand over his pet squirrel.

Anton Surami, 25, of Ramat Gan was indicted in Tel Aviv District Court Sunday, Ynetnews reported.

The victim, whose name was not released, said he was carrying his pet squirrel in his fanny pack when Surami grabbed it and tried to take it with him. The man stopped Surami and took his pet back.

Later the same day, the victim allegedly received a phone call from Surami in which he threatened to burn down his house if he didn't turn over the squirrel.

Afraid of losing his home, the man complied and met Surami, who then allegedly shoved and slapped the complainant and came at him with a kitchen knife.

The man managed to escape, but two hours later, Surami allegedly torched his bike.

We know, however, that Surami was not the arsonist. It was the squirrel who saw an easy way to frame a human for the crime. Next up: An extra crispy house.

Firefighters suspect a squirrel is the culprit behind a blaze that claimed a house in Blue Island over the weekend.

Judging from an arched power line abutting the two-story home, the fire was likely sparked by electricity, Lt. Mike Kaliski said.

"We're looking at (the squirrel's) involvement," Kaliski said of an ongoing investigation that the critter may have been climbing on the wire that sparked the devastating house fire on the 2300 block of Walnut Street.

One of the firefighters who responded to the blaze — which broke out about 6 a.m. Saturday morning — was treated for a minor injury at St. Francis Hospital. He's since been released, Kaliski said.

Residents of the home were away. And the squirrel was the only casualty of the flames.

Note that they are still suicidal. However, since squirrels share a group mind, they all know about the success of the Tel Aviv attack. Which does not bode well for the future. Expect to see more humans framed for arson in the near future.