They're at it again. This time the airmobile terrorist fish took out a 32-year old Florida woman who was out minding her own business on the river. It's not like this is the first time we've reported on the flying fish. Or even the second.
Tara Spears, 32, of Bell, was knocked unconscious by the animal on Sunday while boating on the river north of Rock Bluff, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission reported.
She was taken to a hospital with non-life-threatening injuries and was expected to recover, the agency reported.
The large, prehistoric-looking sturgeon have hard plates along their backs. They can grow up to 8 feet long and up to 200 pounds.
In April, a leaping sturgeon severely injured a 50-year-old woman from St. Petersburg who was riding a personal watercraft on the Suwannee River. She suffered a ruptured spleen and had three fingers reattached by surgeons, but she lost her left pinkie finger and a tooth.
It is time to get serious about this mounting threat to the freedom of the seas. Or river in this case. We demand that the government provide free anti-airfish artillery for the boating public. Just the sight of a "Ma Deuce" on a SeaDoo should strike terror in the hearts of the prehistoric, fishy miscreants. If not, There's always the Phalanx. A "See-wiz" on a SeaDoo. Although that might be a bit tricky to mount. In the meantime, we recommend wearing full plate armor when riding a personal watercraft on the Suwannee River. Just don't fall off, whatever you do.
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It’s all a part of the fishes new strategy: a troop “sturge.”