A Hare Raising Tale
Milan, Italy is having a bad hare day - or year, as the case may be. The Animal Uprising™ has hit upon a scheme to shut down the Milan airport by using the most vicious weapon in their arsenal: oversexed hares.
MILAN, Italy - Wild hares at Milan's Linate airport seem to have only one thing on their mind, and their excessive mating and growing numbers have blocked takeoffs, landings and radar systems.
Officials on Sunday mounted a daylight raid to keep these furry creatures off the runways, part of a twice-annual capture to keep the airport population under control.
"There are always hares at the airport, the problem is that lately there were too many, and they cause problems with the radar and sensors that monitor the airport," said Nicoletta Angioni, spokeswoman for SEA, the company that operates Milan's airports.
Blowing whistles and waving their arms frantically, some 200 volunteers spooked the hares out of their holes and into waiting nets. The animals — 57 hares and four wild rabbits — were put in wooden crates and transferred to a wildlife preserve, officials said.
Now it may seem to the uninitiated that a hare looks just like a rabbit, but there are subtle differences. Hares have long ears, big feet and fur while rabbits have long ears, fur and big feet. Notice the fine hare-splitting difference? But we digress. Hares also breed like rabbits, which is bad news for the Milanese. We're afraid the hare-raising events have just begun for them. Pretty soon they'll have to admit defeat and simply turn over the hareport to the animals.
By Purple Avenger, Sunday, 17 June , 2007 @ 12:02 pm
Since they don’t fly (or at least pretend not to) wouldn’t just running them over with the planes make more sense?
I mean, wouldn’t a several hundred pound airliner tire/hub, going maybe 160mph make pretty quick and flat work of almost anything smaller than a full sized cow?
Can these morons be so taken in by the “fluffy bunny” propaganda that this solution doesn’t occur to them?
By Gaius, Sunday, 17 June , 2007 @ 12:21 pm
We’d suggest splitting hares, but that would get the bunny-huggers angry.
By William Teach, Sunday, 17 June , 2007 @ 12:39 pm
Gotta ask: did you read or hear that bit of comedy by Tim Bedore on the Great Animal Conspiracy?
By Gaius, Sunday, 17 June , 2007 @ 12:46 pm
Actually, I had never heard of him at all when I stated doing this shtick. Someone did tell me about him and I have since heard him once on the radio.
By William Teach, Sunday, 17 June , 2007 @ 2:12 pm
Check this out. It’s a riot! http://www.vaguebuttrue.com/genius.htm#TheOtherAnimalsAreAginUs