This Town’s Going To The Goats
Seattle, Washington is being subjugated by the Animal Uprising™ without even realizing it. They think they have found a beneficial way to defeat unwanted weeds, but they are deceiving themselves. The goats are not beneficent.
In 24 hours, the goats reduced a bed of ivy to a mat of bare vines. They riddled the once-imposing blackberry thicket with tunnels.
In less than four days, the invasive plants would be vanquished, allowing sunlight to stream through the vacant lot next to the King County Metro bus depot in Bellevue.
With their four-chambered stomachs and insatiable desire to nibble on anything even resembling a plant, goats have gained credibility as land clearers among Seattle-area government agencies and private developers.
"Getting them to accept it is always the hardest part," said Craig Madsen, an Eastern Washington rancher who's part of the urban trend. His rentable herd of 270 Boer and Spanish goats has never been more in demand.
Skeptics, he's found, quickly become converts. Once the hooves hit the ground, few can question the tenacity of these ruminants to devour unwanted foliage.
"It was unbelievable," said John Iwanczuk, a project manager for Saltaire Construction in Seattle. "We've been in the business for 25 years — we're skeptical about everything. But not only did it reach our objective, we saved a pile of money and made incredible inroads with the neighborhood."
Bringing goats into the city to do what they do best has its advantages: They're cheaper than manual laborers, chemical-free and popular with parents and children. Even the critters' droppings are in demand.
Last month, Iwanczuk was faced with a steep quarter-acre lot on Dearborn Street covered with impenetrable brush. He figured it would take a crew at least a week to clear the lot, filling eight to10 trucks with waste.
When a real estate broker suggested goats, Iwanczuk agreed to give it a try. His colleagues laughed — at first.
Four days and 60 goats later, the blackberry vines and Scotch broom were gone, and Iwanczuk had risen to neighborhood hero status. Elementary school groups came to watch and pet the goats as they dozed on the sidewalk. Moms brought freshly baked cookies. Local gardeners lusting for free fertilizer scooped the lot clean of droppings.
Iwanczuk estimates he saved $6,000 to $9,000 on the job.
Madsen charges $450 a day for the goats, a $250 transportation fee and extra for setting up their fencing.
"They are just eating machines," said Tammy Dunakin, who runs Rent-A-Ruminant on Vashon Island and contracted with Iwanczuk. "They suck down blackberry vines like it was spaghetti. I don't understand it, (but) the thorns don't bother them at all."
What the folks in Seattle appear not to recognize is the clever ploy the Animal Uprising™ is using here. Sure, the goats appear useful. But goats attract lightning. And they are into the occult. Including zombie activity. Frankly, at this point, Seattle is doomed.
By Purple Avenger, Wednesday, 20 June , 2007 @ 12:06 am
Anything that eats thorny vines is in league with dark forces.
By Roz, Wednesday, 20 June , 2007 @ 5:05 am
Ah, the city fathers of Scarietta, GA are being lulled by these same siren sounds from Seattle. Kudzu is the southern scurge and next decoy…no doubt the goatish spawns of Satan are packing Zippos in preparation for the next burning of Atlanta…